Monday, September 27, 2004


While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground.

"That's my son over there," she said, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.

"He's a fine looking boy" the man said. "That's my son on the swing in the blue sweater." Then, looking at his watch, he called to his son.

"What do you say we go, Todd?"

Todd pleaded, "Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just
five more minutes."

The man nodded and Todd continued to swing to his heart's content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his son.

"Time to go now?"

Again Todd pleaded, "Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes."

The man smiled and said, "O.K."

"My, you certainly are a patient father," the woman responded.

The man smiled and then said, "My older son Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just five more minutes with him.

I've vowed not to make the same mistake with Todd. He thinks he has five more minutes to swing. The truth is, I get five more minutes to watch him play."

Life is all about making priorities, what are your priorities?

Give someone you love 5 more minutes of your time today.

=author unknown

Sunday, September 26, 2004

God had a great idea when He gave me these kids... He gave me three more reasons to breathe. Posted by Hello



Failure does not mean I’m a failure
It does mean I have not yet succeeded

Failure does not mean I have accomplished nothing
It does mean I have learned something

Failure does not mean I have been a fool
It does mean I had enough faith to experiment

Failure does not mean I have been disgraced
It does mean I dared to try

Failure does not mean I don’t have it
It does mean I have to do something in a different way

Failure does not mean I am inferior
It does mean I am not perfect

Failure does not mean I have wasted my time
It does mean I have an excuse to start over

Failure does not mean I should give up
It does mean I must try harder

Failure does not mean I will never make it
It does mean I have more patience

Failure does not mean you have abandoned me
It does mean you must have a better idea


here he is now. ALL BETTER. Posted by Hello


October 11, 2001
4:24 P.M.

To my dearest family, relatives, and friends,

It has been a very long time since I wrote a very deep letter. Maybe because most years of my life, I have been so content that eventhough I was sad and had problems, I have learned to cope and shut up.

Early this year, we went to my son, Dale's, pediatrician for treatment of his cough and colds. We went to a new one, because his former pediatrician went abroad. This new doctor, told us, in all honesty, that we have to take Dale to a developmental psych. She suspects something is wrong with him.

I thought, WHO THE HECK IS THIS DOCTOR? WHY IN THE WORLD WILL THERE BE SOMETHING WRONG WITH MY SON? But of course, I just thought that. Being brought up by my parents as a respectful person, I just listened to her.

When I got to the office, I don't know why. Without anything going on, I just turned on the PC, opened the browser, and searched for a topic. AUTISM. I typed in the search field. I picked a site, and went on reading. I read almost every topic on that website, and feeling like a zombie, reached for the office's wireless and called my husband. Upon hearing his voice, I cracked up. I told him, my son has autism.

How did you know? Calm down. Where did you read it from? No, it can't possibly. Stop crying. We're not sure of that. Those were his words. I just passed him the information from what I have read, the symptoms, possible causes and whatnot. Saying it in barely recognizable phrases because I could not control myself. I have never cried as hysterically as this before. I thought everything I have achieved in life, even if it was only bearing three wonderful children have been trashed.

I kept on asking myself, WHY MY SON? HAVE I DONE SOMETHING GRAVELY WRONG? HAVE I NOT PRAYED EVERYDAY OF MY LIFE? Everyday since then, I have silently hoped that I was wrong. I have told my cousin, and she told her mom, who in turn gave me the contact number of this SPED teacher. I consulted her and she recommended me to Dra. Alexis Reyes of Makati Medical Center.

A lot of people since then went on telling us that they didn't think that Dale has autism. They think that maybe he's just not disciplined. They kept assuring me that there were normal kids who are just delayed in development like speech. But it wasn't just his not talking. It's his eye contact, it's his strange behavior. His inability to point and recognize danger. His inability to listen and look at me when I call his name. It was everything.

Whatever consolations they point out, I did not feel any better, because deep inside me, I have accepted the fact that he really has autism. The signs were all there. I don't know if that would make me a bad mother, but it helped me now.

I then set up an appointment with Dra. Reyes which was June, but was then rescheduled to March of next year. Then just two days ago, her secretary called and said the doctor will see us yesterday.

It was exactly 2:00 P.M. when the doctor went out of the office and called us. She asked for Dale's history, and assessed him for 45 minutes, played with him and made him sit still. We were having difficulties then because Dale saw that the doctor has a packet of Pringles, and he kept on getting it. He started to cry then and would not stop crying. But when the doctor asked him to do something like
play with a puzzle, he completes the puzzle while crying. He stacked thirteen blocks on top of another, making sure the blocks were all aligned before he placed another one. (Later on the doctor told us that it was a good sign, most kids she assessed could only stack 4 blocks)

After the assessment the doctor asked me to sit down with my husband and she explained things to us. I found myself asking her: "So, what are you saying? Is it positive that my son has autism?" And her reply was the most hurtful 3-word sentence I have ever heard: "Yes, he is."

I did not cry. I did not shed a single tear. I just listened to what she was saying.

She gave us information on how to deal with this and referred us to the CENTER FOR AUTISM AND RELATED DISORDERS. She just gave us a slip of paper as a referral when we go to CARD, stating that my son has Autism Spectrum Disorder.

When it was over, my husband who rarely carries him, scooped him up and hugged him and carried him until we got to the lobby. He kissed him and hugged him all that time. He got the car from the parking lot while we waited for him in the lobby. It was raining a bit, but my husband was taking quite a long time getting the car, I noticed. When he finally came by, when we got in the car, my husband was crying. He cried while he was driving. I did not.

When I told my mother that night, I saw her tears building up in her eyes. Mine did not.

You could ask me why I did not cry, and my answer will always be this:

I really believe that everything that happens to our lives has this certain purpose or reason. The problem is, what is it? And how do we take it to our advantage?

I only know then and now that I LOVE MY SON. I love him so deeply, that I would give him everything, and sacrifice everything just to give him a normal life even if it was just at a certain point.

And I believe that if my husband cries, my mom cries, the whole family, and everyone else cries, then what would these tears do for my son? Will he get better? Will these tears be some sort of a miracle for my son? I did not think so. What I thought was, I have to be strong for my son. I have to keep strong faith that HE WILL get better. Because I'm done with crying. And it did not do me or my son any good.

So, this morning, I placed Dale on his younger brother's crib. He hates that. He kept on asking me in hand gestures to bring him down. I did not. Not until he kisses me first, I told him. Until his dad came down and wanted to get him out because he pities him, I told him NO.


Dale would have to exhaust himself from crying but I WILL NOT bring him down. Sadist? No. It was because I love him. He has to try to listen to me and understand. After a painful (for me and his Dad) 2 minutes, he finally kissed me. FIVE TIMES.

Now, then I could have cried. Because, for the first time in months, I am now SURE that my son, AROLF DELANO, will be okay.

I love all of you,


Saturday, September 25, 2004

hay... movie lines...

sometimes you’ll kiss someone and know that’s the person you’re supposed to kiss for the rest of your life.

if two people are meant for each other, it doesn’t mean that they are meant for each other NOW.

me? i’m scared of everything, i’m scared of what i saw, of what i did, of who i am... and most of all, im scared of walking out of this room & never feeling the rest of my whole life the way i feel when i’m with you.

How can you assume to be friends with someone when all you think about when you look at him is how much more you really want.

one day, you look at the person & see more than you did the day before, like a switch was flickered somewhere. and the person who was just a friend is suddenly the only person you can imagine yourself with.

Is it possible to be just friends with someone i have these sort of non-moderate feelings for? Or am i doomed forever to just be in love & ultimately significantly hurt?

When you’ve found that person you want to spend the rest of your life with, you want the rest of your life to begin right away.

happiness is not a destination but a journey! have a blessed day...


I’d see to it that I’d look at myself closely in the mirror, memorizing every line, every curve... afraid that one day I might not be able to see my face again for I’m not sure if there are mirrors in heaven.

I’d examine everything I hold, I’d cherish and memorize every face I see, every place I go for I know that when I die, I’ll never stop missing those faces, those things and those places.

I’d clean my room, embrace my pillows tight, cuddle comfortably in my bed and linger in my closets for I’m not sure I’ll have a room of my own in heaven.

I’d regret not telling my parents how great they are, and confess to them that
I’m a rotten child and let them feel that I loved that piano only I knew it when it’s already gone.

I do not waste time confessing to him that I couldn't cook, couldn't do the laundry, couldn't iron even my own clothes... but wasting time learning how.

I’d look at you, wanting to part your hair and kiss your brows and say
“my love, why suffers thou?” for I know that it could be my last chance
`coz I’m sure you’ll never suffer in heaven.

I’d wish that I’ve the guts to tell you how much I care and love you
for I’m scared that I’d die and then I’ll never have the chance to do so.

I’d thank the Lord for the gifts He gave me.
Things, peace and people whom I love and who loves me.
People whom I hated and who hated me.

I’d hope and pray that I’ll have yet another day to do what I do everyday.

living life one breath at a time. Posted by Hello

What's important is that we have loved at all. Posted by Hello


Maybe girls with my experience will frown on this statement, and guys would smile. Unearthing these thoughts from me is very difficult as I am not a writer. I am only a dreamer. A dreamer of castles and princesses trapped in towers, of princes and awakening kisses, and of happy-ever-afters.

It took me ten years to realize that there is no such thing as fairy tales. Ten years of joy and sorrow, smiles and tears. Nobody told me that love is never easy. Ten long years.

Being in love is much worse than being out of it. But that is what makes it so popular. People needs so much of this love. People needs to experience life, for what is life without loving? When you are not in love, you have nothing to worry about, when he doesn’t come home, when he is not feeling well, or when he smells nothing at all like his cologne or yours.

I wrote to him once...


All I ask of you is to be with me
Through all the thorns and stones
Beneath the shadow of the tree
Where a branch holds a nest
A nest full of warmth and love...

All I ask of you is to stay
For just one more night
Under the glowing moonlight
Where the breeze is cool
And the grass is crisp
And my love is true...

... but I guess he did not understand what I meant by it for stay he didn’t. He gave up our fight and just went on looking for another source of happiness. You would say that it isn’t fair that when you love, you don’t get loved back in return, but is there such a thing as fair? Sadly, seeking fairness seems like looking for a needle in a haystack. But life is too short to find out about what is fair in general.

Fairness is something that only you can define. For me, there is fairness. It is loving. Everything seems fair when you love. If everyone else is loving, then no one else would get hurt. For true love doesn’t give up easily. True love doesn’t look for happiness in all the wrong directions. True love looks straight at you, and stares at your eyes and gets lost in them.

So, I guess, what I had wasn’t fair. For you, but not for me. It was fair. For ten years. I didn’t say that fairness is forever, did I? Now, after his love was gone, and after my pain was alighted, I let him go. It wasn’t easy. There was no party after. No booze. No gimiks with my bestfriends. All I had was myself, and people who are also a part of my fair life, and the dark.

Letting go of something we want so badly would never be easy. It would always hurt us to see someone we have learned to love leave us. But life is what we make it. Love is what we make it. It is always a matter of choice. You are to make yours before you are left with no options but to live a miserable life loving the wrong person for all the wrong reasons.

Lies cannot be camouflaged forever. Pain will never leave you if you choose it to stay. So I chose to let go of it. I chose not to live and think of where I failed or why. For in time, the pain will eventually go away. Then, failure wouldn’t matter for what is more important is that we have loved at all.

In fairness.

best of friends since college... Posted by Hello

Thursday, September 23, 2004

i miss her everyday...

friendships can only go as far as u want it to. i can say that my bestfriend is Wena, who I met in college. we do not know why we hit it. maybe because both of us have grown angst of the world around us. of life. of love. of men.

we did not realize that we were best of friends at that time. but like a lightbulb on my head one day, i just told her she was my best friend, and we became that from that day on.

i wish only what's best for her... eventhough i know sometimes, she does stupid things that i'm sure she'll get nothing out of but sure heartache.... and of course, i was right. and every time she goes into it, i always tell her that i'm with her all the way, however, i think... and if i'm right, and she ends up weeping.... i weep with her. i curse with her. i chant mantras with her. i light a black candle with her. i laugh with her. ... and then we eat out together to celebrate another stupid heartache.

if there's one thing that i regret, is that we don't spend much time together... even if it's only eating-after-weeping days... i miss her everyday...

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

Jesus Saves

Somebody emailed this to me. Found it nice.


Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was tired of hearing all the bickering. Finally fed up, God said, "THAT'S IT! I have had enough. I am going to set up a test that will run for two hours, and from those results, I will judge who does the better job."

So Satan and Jesus sat down at the keyboards and typed away.

They moused.

They faxed.

They e-mailed.

They e-mailed with attachments.

They downloaded.

They did spreadsheets.

They wrote reports.

They created labels and cards.

They created charts and graphs.

They did some genealogy reports.

They did every job known to man.

Jesus worked with heavenly efficiency and Satan was faster than hell.

Then, ten minutes before their time was up, lightning suddenly flashed across the sky, thunder rolled, rain poured, and, of course, the power went off. Satan stared at his blank screen and screamed every curse word known in the underworld. Jesus just sighed.

Finally the electricity came back on, and each of them restarted their computers. Satan started searching frantically, screaming:

"It's gone! It's all GONE!

"I lost everything when the power went out!"

Meanwhile, Jesus quietly started printing out all of his files from the past two hours of work.

Satan observed this and became irate.

"Wait!" he screamed.

"That's not fair!

He cheated!

How come he has all his work and I don't have any?"

God just shrugged and said,

"Jesus saves."

Monday, September 20, 2004

My head hurts....

it hurts... literally... it's my first day to work at daytime during my stay in PS... we're not doing anything since 3 of us were designated as sort of OICs... I dont think i can stay for long like this.... mahirap din pala yung walang ginagawa... wala na rin kasing emails na pina-process ang team.

i feel like i'm gonna gain more pounds here, coz Keiko and Mai are always gorging on something.... and of course, if you can't beat 'em, join em... hahahaha....

i hope something better will come up tomorrow... idle hands, idle minds...


Sunday, September 19, 2004

my reasons for breathing... Posted by Hello

yerf... that's me... Posted by Hello

Meaning What You Say

The next time you are washing your hands and complain because the water temperature isn't just how you like it, think about how things used to be.

Here are some facts about the1500s:

Most people got married in June because they took their yearly bath in May, and still smelled pretty good by June. However, they were starting to smell, so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide the body odor. Hence the custom today of carrying a bouquet when getting married.

Baths consisted of a big tub filled with hot water. The man of the house had the privilege of the nice clean water, then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children Last of all the babies. By then the water was so dirty you could actually lose someone in it. Hence the saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water."

Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and off the roof. Hence the saying "It's raining cats and dogs."

There was nothing to stop things from falling into the house. This posed a real problem in the bedroom where bugs and other droppings could mess up your nice clean bed. Hence, a bed with big posts and a sheet hung over the top afforded some protection. That's how canopy beds came into existence.

The floor was dirt. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt. Hence the saying "dirt poor." The wealthy had slate floors that would get slippery in the winter when wet , so they spread thresh (straw) on floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they adding more thresh until when you opened the door it would all start slipping outside. A piece of wood was placed in the entranceway. Hence the saying a "thresh hold."

(Getting quite an education, aren't you?)

In those old days, they cooked in the kitchen with a big kettle that always hung over the fire. Every day they lit the fire and added things to the pot. They ate mostly vegetables and did not get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, leaving leftovers in the pot to get cold overnight and then start over the next day. Sometimes stew had food in it that had been there for quite a while. Hence the rhyme, "Peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."

Sometimes they could obtain pork, which made them feel quite special. When visitors came over, they would hang up their bacon to show off. It was a sign of wealth that a man could "bring home the bacon." They would cut off a little to share with guests and would all sit around and "chew the fat."

Those with money had plates made of pewter. Food with high acid content caused some of the lead to leach onto the food, causing lead poisoning death. This happened most often with tomatoes, so for the next 400 years or so, tomatoes were considered poisonous.

Bread was divided according to status. Workers got the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family got the middle, and guests got the top, or "upper crust."

Lead cups were used to drink ale or whisky. The combination would sometimes knock the imbibers out for a couple of days. Someone walking along the road would take them for dead and prepare them for burial. They were laid out on the kitchen table for a couple of days and the family would gather around and eat and drink and wait and see if they would wake up. Hence the custom of holding a "wake."

England is old and small and the local folks started running out of places to bury people. So they would dig up coffins and would take the bones to a "bone-house" and reuse the grave. When reopening these coffins, 1 out of 25 coffins were found to have scratch marks on the inside and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they would tie a string on the wrist of the corpse, lead it through the coffin and up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night (the "graveyard shift") to listen for the bell; thus, someone could be "saved by the bell" or was considered a "dead ringer."

And that's the truth.. Now , whoever said that History was boring ! ! !

nothing can come between Dale and his Cookie Crisps... Posted by Hello

what is this?

i have always wondered what there was to blogging.... i started to blog before, but never got the hang of it... maybe it was because i do not have much time to blog... or maybe i just felt that there really is nothing interesting for me to say.

but here i am, Augee asked me to try it again... well, maybe i need this blog... i will know in the future...

i really dont know what else to type as of yet... but a friend sent me this and it made me smile... i'm just gonna post similar things like these first before i go deeper into blogging...

in the meantime, smile and live life one day at a time.

Married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said that the hospital was testing an amazing new high-tech machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. Both said they were very much in favor of it.

The doctor set the pain transfer to 10 percent for starters, explaining that even 10 per cent was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before.

But as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20 percent pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine.

The doctor then checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point they decided to try for 50 percent. The husband continued to feel quite well.

Since the pain transfer was obviously helping the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain, and the husband had experienced none. She and her husband were ecstatic.

When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

oh, there is one thing that happened yesterday... it just came to my mind, and then i thought i have to share this with Augee and whoever...yesterday, out of nowhere, a supervisor just told me that i will be transferred to the morning shift!

the team decided to have an email team in the AM, and since i am an email rep, i was drastically, without prior notification, transferred to AM shift... why? i sure as hell don't know.... but as one of the sups told me, "e di ba email rep ka? so morning shift."

i could've punched her right in the face, but of course, being me, i just turned and logged off, went home.

before that, another sup told me, the team manager just emailed them that VOILA! Reich is gonna be coming in Monday AM. They knew there will be an email team weeks ago, and I asked one sup if i'm gonna be transferred and he said "not necessarily."

i could not have minded if they told me beforehand... i would have taken it lightly if they told me, "Reich, there's still no supervisor for AM shift, would you mind coming in starting Monday to help with the newbies?"

Of course, they did no such thing. because, they are PROFESSIONALS. well, i will play their game for a few more months.... i'm gonna come in the AM coz they told me to... im gonna help the newbies, because im a good person, i like helping out.... but i'm not gonna be their puppet for long... just until after all the flame burns out... but as long as i'm there... (im gonna let this trail)

there are a lot of call centers who already called me to come work for them, "we're gonna give u more than what their giving u." and there are a lot of us in the team who's willing to come with me to another center where my aunt is former VP.

i've been with PS for a year now... i may not be the best employee... but i know my job. i've done it well. i know it. they know it. but i can't be treated this way. u don't treat people that way. a lot of us vet reps have been treated like trash, and they could not even clean up the mess they made.

nway, all is over and done with... tomorrow, im gonna come in at 6am and go home at 3pm...

i hope i will not get addicted to Advil when the questions from the newbies start coming in....