Thursday, November 18, 2004

Naaasar Ako.

napagalitan ko kasi si Anea kanina habang hinihintay namin
yung school service nyang dumating.

pano ba naman.
nakita kong gumagawa ng assignment sa hagdan.
nakalimutan daw niyang gawin nung kinagabihan.
eh, wala naman syang ginawa nung gabi.
nanood lang ng tv at nag-computer.

ayokong-ayoko kasing makaugalian niyang mag-cram.
pinapalaki ko kasi siyang responsible for all her actions.
i rarely ask her if she has an assignment.
i want her to accept and learn that she can do things on her own.
that everything has consequences.

the fact that she dropped from Top 1 to 2. it means only two things.
she's slacking, or her classmates are being diligent.

As her birthday wish, she said sana na maging honor sya.
i told her... how can you attain that, if you're not studying?

naaasar ako kasi ayoko syang makikitang umiiyak.
naaasar ako kasi kaya siya umiiyak kasi pinapagalitan ko sya.
naaasar ako kasi i might be pressuring her into doing too much.
That she couldn't handle my high expectations of her.
naaasar ako 'coz i might not be doing something right.

she's growing up a little
bitchy and naughty and bratty and hard-headed.
i don't like it.
but i don't know how to control it.

if i get at mad her all the time, maybe....
and if i let it go, maybe....

i really don't know how to be a mother.
but come to think of it, all mothers have faced this dilemma once in their lives.
i just wish that i overcome this.


i wish she's smiling when i get home.


p.s.
Keiko, it's not my fault.
Aminin mong talagang nakaka-addict ang blog. =)

2 comments:

  1. sanpits,

    remember, school is supposed to be fun. isipin mo what made you go to school other than the need for the "allowance" thing and the fear of the "mapapalo ka" thing. you wouldn't want your kid not enjoying school like you really did di ba?

    was watching everybody loves raymond the other day... rerun siyempre. he was volunteered by his wife to participate sa PTA meeting ng school ng anak niya. he had to review all this stuff and books so he can make this good impression. siyempre pa, raymond was too busy playing video games with his older bro. he ended up having his mom do it for him. siyempre, huli siya ng asawa niya. near the end, he attended the PTA meeting and then, when he was asked to speak, he did so without touching the topic he was assigned to do. he went on how the kids today have too much burden at school, too much homework and too much studying to do. it was to the point that he was thinking how things have changed. school pressure was taking the kids out of his kids. how his kids where forcing themselves to work and study because they have to and not because they like to, they want to. and certainly not enjoying it... ewan ko, ako i feel that way. kse pag graduate niyan at nagwork na siya, inde na siya makaka-enjoy masyado kse kelangan na niyang pagalitan ang anak niyang inde gumawa ng assignment.

    love and miss you!

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  2. We're in the same situation. am very upset with my daughter coz she refuses to stop biting her nails. I thought kasi that she was doing this unconsciously, until her best friend told me that whenever they slap her hand to call her attention, she brings her fingers back to her mouth! I'm so inis. And honestly, I dunno how to deal with it anymore. I'm so exasperated! Hirap maging nanay at times, noh?

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