I noticed that lately, I saw everything negatively.
When I ran out of money,
I always think that it was somebody else's fault.
I kept on thinking, if Ronald would just give me an allowance,
especially for the kids' expenses, maybe I will not run out of money.
But, I also thought that if I didn't
buy my new bags, or that new book...
When I come in late for work, I always think that I won't be if
I have a yaya who will help me with the kids every morning.
But, I also thought that if I woke up earlier...
When I didn't meet the metrics (which is rare),
I always think that if only I wasn't asked tons
of questions by the reps everytime i'm working.
But, I also thought that if I didn't stop
working to do unnecessary things...
When I lose some of my stuff in the house,
I always blame Anton or Dale because they always touch my things.
But, I also thought that if I placed them somewhere
that the kids couldn't reach them...
When Anea dropped down from Top 1 to Top 2,
I blamed her for slacking.
But, if only I sacrificed even an hour of my time to teach her...
When Arolf lost weight, I blamed him for not eating.
But, if only I took time to buy
and cook his favorite food, and feeding him...
When Anton slipped and fell,
I blamed him for being so naughty and hardheaded.
But, if only I moved the furniture...
When Ronald got mad when he didn't know where I was one day,
I judged him for being so suspicious and strict.
But, if only I texted him where I was going...
There were many instances where I misjudged people
and assessed the situation the wrong way...
I am not posting this to let everyone know that I will change.
I made this blog as a reminder of my past.
Something that will make me remember,
and something I can look back at.
And this day, I would like to remember
that I have realized some of my faults.
I don't know what path to take or where it will lead.
I don't know how many bones I have or how many times I said "no."
I don't know if my life will get better or if I will die tomorrow.
One thing I do know...
I am only human.
i promised myself that starting today,
i will find something good in people.
Anea is so smart, sometimes my jaw drops.
Arolf is such a computer geek, i feel ashamed of myself.
Anton is so sweet, sometimes I think that his future gf will be so lucky.
Ronald texted me that he loves me today.