Wednesday, January 12, 2005

an open letter to my relatives

tish, musta na si Ted? Anea got sick for 2 days din. She went back to school today. Vhon also. Chad is currently sick with what the doctor said was just flu. Everybody was sick during the holidays with cough and colds, even my dad.

Anea is still doing well in school. I hope that the 2 days that she was not able to come in won't affect it. She came in second the last time, and we're wishing for the same or better levels this quarter. She's still overweight, and it's starting to piss me off. I don't want her to have health problems. Although there's this one thing that I won't mention here for her privacy, that she promised me as a New Year's resolution that she will start doing, and so far, she's been successful in doing so. Yey!

However, she still makes me angry every morning 'coz she is NOT a morning person and she greets the day with a frown... and feet-stomping madness... whenever she's dressing up for school. She still can carry her hair like it resembles Sadako from the Ring (pisses me off). She still does her homework and projects on the last minute possible, and the reason i get angry about this is because she is getting to be just like me on this aspect and i don't want her to be. She's the last-minute girl who rarely opens her books and can achieve a 50/50 score in Math. How she does that is beyond me. Nope, actually I know how she does that. She does not need to do anything 'coz she is born smart. BUT! Not mom-like smart, but dad-like smart... and that truly pisses me off. =)

Arolf, on the other hand, is getting so makulit. Anea is the only one who can definitely understand what he's saying now... He talks too much in such fast gibberish taglish that it gets so frustrating to understand to find out what he wants. I'm praying that this will change before school's out so we can get a recommendation from the SPED school to transfer him to a regular school next school year.

Anton is still the same Anton. My feelings for Anton is a mixture of utter bewilderment and perpetual madness. I dunno what to do with him most of the time, but his nuggets of wisdom can make my jaw drop lots of times in one conversation. At least he now knows that the color blue is... blue. We have to concentrate on teaching him the ABCs and the numbers 'coz... he still doesn't know which is which. I'm praying like crazy that he'll get it through his cute head that one is not 7, and that H is not A. No, he's not dyslexic. He's just... it's just that he doesn't want anyone else to tell him any different, that's all. From which side of the family did he get that attitude? No, not family... I can just pin that to one person, and that's my mother. =)

Ronald is still with Jollibee BF as store manager. He just accepted an award of some sort. One Area Manager already promised him that another promotion will soon come for him if he keeps doing good in his job. He's still crazy over his car. Just recently I discovered that he's got OC (obsessive-compulsive) disorder. Of course, not clinically positive about it, but the signs were everywhere. He admitted that to me. I discovered that when I accidentally left fingerprints on the windshield of his car. He stopped the car and wiped them off. He said he just couldn't drive and does not feel comfortable seeing prints or dirt on his car. I found that disturbing, and began asking him about other things that he felt uncomfortable of.

Of course, it was not something to be paranoid about. A lot of people have this 'disorder.' Everybody has some kind of brain and emotion 'malfunction' in one point of his/her life.

My solution to that was randomly and repeatedly leaving footprints and fingerprints all over his car, to which he just whined "Ma naman eh..." while I laugh and giggle on our way to the grocery store, to which he just stops the car and wipes them off again and kisses me right smack on the lips. Mind you, he did not get angry, which is a big improvement.

I'm still working for PeopleSupport, and I plan to get a teaching job this year. Wishing that I'll get one with a great salary, too. I'm also planning to finish my masters in UP and planning to enroll this June. I wish that I still can, 'coz i had problems with one subject there. If not, i can enroll in PNU for that, but my friends already told me that PNU can't be compared to UP even in hindsight.

A lot of people have been asking me of how I feel now that my parents are going away, and I can't find myself to tell them exactly how I feel. Let me express them here in one way or another.

My mother is starting to work harder 'coz she wants to acquire money to use when they get to New York. Yes, they decided to go to New York rather than L.A. 'coz Daddy's brothers and sisters are all there. They said that getting jobs there are easier than in LA.

She's beginning to deligate stuff and responsibilities to us, and this makes me sad and makes me dread the day that they will leave. Although, I am happy that they have a chance to try to live differently away from the chaos which we call Arolf and Anton in disguise. =)

A lot will change when they leave, but this can only be seen as an opportunity to live a different life, even if there is no certainty of green pastures or milk and honey. At least they have tried. Nothing will be lost since we'll still be waiting for them here if ever they change their minds and decide that they can take the chaos here more than the loneliness they can feel when they are away from us. (hehe.)

At first, I felt really sad when I knew that their visas came. It meant only one thing for me. Being alone with no one to back me up in times of need. But it also means that I'm drowning in paranoia. Of course i will not be alone. I still have my brothers. And it's not like they left the planet. New York is just a plane ride away. In this technology-driven world, I don't think that getting in touch with them will be a problem.

I'm also thinking about how my kids will handle my parents going away. Now that they know that their grandparents are leaving, Anton is starting to say that only Papa can go, and Mama is staying behind. I don't think that Arolf can handle this easily, since he is too attached to Daddy. He said that he wants to go with them, but when he found out that it will take a plane ride, he changed his mind. I cannot imagine how i can explain it to them that eventhough my folks aren't here we can still see them on the computer (YM). A 6-yr-old kid with autism and a sweet 4-yr-old can only take too much.

But still, I want my parents to go, and at least have a second honeymoon, if ever they had a first. hehe. I also see it as an opportunity for me to grow and be dependent and responsible. For 30 years, my parents have been my backbone and it's about time for me to veer away from parasitism. I will take this as an opportunity and not a burden to carry. I know that bills will pile up. I know that I will feel helpless in the future, but I am positive that I will find a way.

Being the great parents that they are, they are still thinking of us before they leave. Mama does not want to leave us hanging without resources. They want everyone to be secure with a roof on our heads, and healthcards and ways for paying the humongous bills that we receive month-end. Mama does not think of us only, but also her brothers and sisters. They are making sure that we know how to live without them near, and for that I am extremely grateful.

There's just one thing that I ask God for... that He makes sure that my folks will be safe and healthy wherever they are. That they won't get caught jaywalking, or be caught in heavy traffic while going to work, or be left without choices.

And to everybody there, if there's one thing that I ask of you, it's to please take care of my parents for Rodel, Erick, and me. God cannot look after them all the time.

Happy New Year everyone.

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