Monday, March 28, 2005

if you ever think that death is your only salvation...

i read a blog of a friend today, who said that her only salvation was death. I commented to it and thought that my comment should take a space in my own blog.

ganon? matalino ka ah. walang ganyanan. kung ako sau, kung may ipapapatay man ako, yun yung taong rason kung bakit ako malungkot at yung taong dahilan kung bakit ginugusto kong makitilan ng buhay. hindi ikaw un. u'r just making ur life miserable, because u chose to be.

it's the way you see things. Do not get me wrong. I've tried suicide i think three times. but try as i might, i'm still alive. which made me think over my decisions.

like i always say: everything that comes in your life has a purpose/reason. the problem is, what is it, and how do we take it to our advantage?

if time comes to ur life that u think that death is ur only salvation, think of me.

i'm married to an asshole who doesn't give me the love and support that every woman deserves. He was physically hurting me since we were married, and he just stopped when one time he hurt me so bad it could've killed me.
i am trying my best to find some good in him so we can save our marriage.
i am raising my three kids on my own, with limited financial support from the asshole.
i cannot resign from my current job to work as a teacher which only offers me 3/4 of my earnings here, since if i decide to, I'd be broker than i'd ever be.
my parents are my only help in everything, and now they are migrating to the US, leaving me alone to wallow in uncertainty.
i am, i think, 150T in debt.
my son, although bright, is autistic, and he has seizure disorder. His future is not certain. Will he be able to work, marry, have kids, even finish highschool? And now, he's getting worse. Kung dati, hindi halata, ngayon, makikita mo na that there is something wrong with this kid. And every freakin day of my life, i look at him and control myself from crying because of these facts.

these are some things that I am sure you are not experiencing. At least you still have a way out. Unlike me, who sees a way out but won't take it.

it's ur choice: kill urself, or be happy that you are not me.

i love you. Stop being like that. U make me feel a lesser person than I already am without u even knowing it. Kaya natin lahat ng problema. Be thankful na babae tayo. Kung naging lalake tayo, i think kawawa tayo.

Andito lang ako.

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