Wednesday, April 20, 2005

sa mga araw na hindi mo na alam ang gagawin mo

syempre pa... malungkot na naman ako... lagi naman eh... nagtext ng nagtext sa akin ang asawa ko... hindi ko siya masagot dahil nasa guard ang celfones namin... marami siyang sinabi na hindi ko alam kung magagalit ako... matatawa... o iiyak...



nagsimula yun nung April 18. 10th year wedding anniversary namin yun... hinintay ko buong araw na magtext siya sa kin... not to greet me... kahit man lang i-acknowledge niya what day it was...

when i woke up, there were missed calls registered, but no text messages.

i waited.

nothing.

then he texted. asked me what time should he suppose to pick me up since there was an ongoing 'strike'.

when we were on our way home... he still said nothing.

when i was at home, i texted him this:

i waited for u all day not to greet me... but just to acknowledge what day it was... c? even you don't give a damn.


tapos tumawag siya... nagexplain... hindi raw niya nakalimutan... in fact tinatawagan pa nga raw niya ako nung morning...

sympre hindi ako naniwala... sabi ko sa kanya it doesn't matter.... ano ba naman yung 10th year anniversary? hindi naman ako naging masaya sa buong 10 years.

nagalit syempre.

the next day he texted me this:

just want to let u know na di ko nakalimutan. God knows.


pasensya. hindi ako naniniwala na alam ng Dyos ang lahat. kung alam niya eh bakit pa tayo nagdarasal?

ngayon, kung ano-ano na naman ang nabasa ko... can't he just leave me alone? can't he see that i am so lonely with him?

i know.. kasalanan ko to... it always have been... im stupid. STUPID.



mom and pop will be leaving on Friday... nagdinner kami ni mama at ng friends niya kahapon... we ate at Ebun... sabi ng tita ko, kawawa naman daw ako at wala na akong mommy... iiyak daw ako...

yes. i will. i will cry buckets of tears. as i always do since i knew that they will be leaving.... but what can i do? kelangan eh. mas gusto ko na rin na umalis sila dito... kesa andito sila at namomroblema... i just wish them well...

i wish them happiness.



Micah texted me today, that she saw turtle earrings sa San Pablo... and she asked for my mailing address.... i thought this was so sweet of her... i know she's been reading this... just want to thank you...

at least u have a glimpse of what's troubling me... that's why i told you that you made my day.. sobra.



Anubis--salamat din ng marami... salamat sa release... salamat sa oras... salamat sa pagbabasa ng IM ko... salamat sa pagbabasa ng iniisip ko... salamat sa 'hah!'... salamat talaga...

and remember: silence will get u nowhere.



Mai--salamat din kasi u always put up with me... alam ko minsan naaasar ka na... pero wala akong paki, aasarin pa rin kita... alam ko namang mahal mo ko eh... at kaya mo akong pagtyagaan...



Anne--thanks for being a sweet kid.



Erika--thanks for being nice, and remembering to send me a message when the date changes.



salamat sa inyong lahat. dahil sa inyo, i survived the day.

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