Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Samut-sari

Birthday ni Mama kahapon. Hindi ko man lang siya nabigyan ng regalo. Naisip ko kasi, bili ko na lang siya nung kumot na gusto niya para dadalhin niya sa States. Kaso lang, wala na yung stall na nagbebenta nun sa Makati. Kaya pag-uwi ko, ala akong dala. Ni wala din akong share sa handa niya. Ewan ko ba. Ano bang nangyari sa kin these past few days.

Ang pinaplano ko kasi, mag-swimming na lang kami na kaming buong pamilya. Plano ko sa 16 na lang, kaso may despedida na naman ang mga kaibigan ni Papa for him. Kaya sabi ko sa 17 na lang. Kaso lang Sunday yun, may pasok kinabukasan. Syempre pagod ako nun. Bahala na.



Ok naman ang party niya. Marami ring dumating. Her brothers and sisters were there. They even have this gimik na bigyan si Mama ng dozens of red roses while they were singing their happy birthday song.

Andami ring pagkain. Kare-kare, dalawang klase ng pansit, inihaw na tilapia, etc. Kinain ko lang is yung dinuguan na luto ni Mama. bihira kasi ako kumakain nun pag hindi ko nakikita kung pano niluluto.

Nagkantahan sila, nanood ng concerts sa DVD... umuwi silang busog at senglot. Ako, natulog na rin ng mas maaga.

Dito natulog sila Kuya Dudei. Syempre naging center of attention na naman si Bea. Cute na kasi. Kamukha ni Vhon.



Hindi ko alam kung bakit hindi ako ganun kasaya. Siguro dahil hindi lang yun birthday party. Despedida din yun para sa pag-alis nila sa 22.

Ngayong papalapit na ang kanilang pag-alis, nakakaramdam na ako ng kakaibang lungkot na hindi ko maintindihan.

Isa lang ang sigurado... mami-miss ko sila mama at papa. Marami silang naitulong sa akin, at sa pag-alis nila, isang malaking butas ang hindi na mapupunan ng kahit sino pa... pupunta lang sila ng Amerika nun ah.

Naiinis din ako, kasi minsan nakikita ko si Mama na umiiyak. Nung yakap niya si Dale, nung yakap niya si Bea... Sabi ko nga sa kanya, if she is not happy at all na umalis, why go? If there's something that's holding her back, then don't go for it.

But I also tell them to go and try. Then if it doesn't go well, then come back. Agad. That is also one of the reasons why I wouldn't want to change anything sa house. This is their house. I want them to have something to go back to. Kung babaguhin ko ang ayos ng bahay, kung san ako matutulog... pano na pagbalik nila?

Anyway, if I go on and on about this journey, my feelings and apprehensions, I'll never stop. I just wish them safety, good life and great health.



Ako lang mag-isa ngayon sa kwarto. Pinapunta ko kasi ang mga bata sa Daddy nila. Nagalit na naman kasi tatay nila dahil ayaw na naman ni Anea na pumunta doon. At ang Mama naman, she's always telling me that there's something wrong kaya ayaw ni Anea doon. Of course I know what she's trying to say. And she's starting to make me feel paranoid like her. And I hate it. I know him. He will not do anything grave to his kids. He went too much one time when he hit her with a belt. But I know na pinagsisihan na niya yun. I know that he loves Bochog.



I bought Anton some books from Booksale. Naaawa kasi ako sa kanya kasi apat na taon na siya, hindi pa niya saulo ang ABC. Hindi pa siya marunong magbilang. I came to a conclusion that I am neglecting my kids. And being a licensed teacher, it is too ironic. So, I told him that we were gonna start this summer to learn a few things. The goal is just for him to master the basics.

He's taking it on too well! Now, he wakes me up so we can study. He pesters me every hour on when we were gonna start studying.

Kanina, we started with one book of numbers. Gusto kasi niya yung may activities na sasagutan niya. Eh sabi ko, dapat muna mapag-aralan niya isa-isa yung numbers bago dun sa connect the dots. Eh, and kulet!

Kaya ayun, pinapaulit-ulit ko yung numbers, hindi niya pa rin makuha. He knows the numbers 0, 1, 2, and 4. But he forgets 3!

Tapos, later kanina he called from his Daddy's house and told me that he will become a (whispering) doctor when he grows up. And whatever sadness i felt earlier, what he said totally made my day.

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