Saturday, April 23, 2005

temporary orphan... missing mom & dad...

this is my YM status today...

kahapon sila umalis for NY. ayaw nilang magpahatid... ayaw magsama ng mga bata... hindi nga pinagising ni Mama si Dale... umalis sila ng tulog ito...

Dad looked good in his suit, that was the first time i saw him wear one... it was obvious that they were a bit nervous... it was also his first time to ride a plane.

hinatid namin sila sa airport... we didn't cry in front of them... Kuya Dudei did as soon as we got in the car... the kids cried din daw according to them... pag uwi namin, niligpit ko na yung kalat.. inayos ko na yung mga naiwan.. their room kasi is gonna be my room now, at least for my things coz the bed was given to my brother.... my room will be for the kids... masikip na kasi mashado sa room ko eh...

inakyat ko na yung mga damit ko... yung mga bags ko... nung inaayos na namin ni Archie (our helper), dun ko lang napagtanto na napakarami ko palang bags... napuno ang isang aparador... hay...

nung nakita ko yung mga bagay na naiwan ng parents ko... shoes... my mom's fave bags... shirts and stuff... i felt a little sad, nainis ng konti... hindi na nila kasi yun nadala coz they were only allowed 4 balikbayan boxes and one box is already full with padala and whatnots for my other relatives... i think if not for those, baka nadala nila lahat ng gusto nilang dalhin...

nagakyatan yung mga tao sa bahay, to get my parents' bed, their other things, which my parents told them they can have when they left... i felt bad... i felt like shouting at them and telling them to wait until i'm ready to let go of my parents' things... babalik pa naman ang parents ko... why do they have to give out their things, even if they were to my siblings... ang pangit ng feeling watching them go with mom's bed with them... feeling ko namatayan ako.

my mom made sure that everything is taken cared of before she left... all her grandkids cept for Dale and Anton, she made sure may celfones... all of them, sinigurado niyang may computers... she made sure that the latest bills and realty taxes were all paid and that there was food in the fridge... even if she and my brother had a misunderstanding and it caused her some pain, hindi niya yun pinansin, and made sure that my brother gets the other fone and her kids get her bed.

to sum it all up, my mom is Mother Teresa in disguise.

my dad wanted to buy an MP3 player that he can bring there, but couldn't find one similar to mine, which was cheaper than all those popular brands... so I gave mine to him to bring na lang...

if i could've prevented them from going, i would... but i guess it was for the best... sana lang they can cope up... sana kasi kung bata pa sila... eh kaso Dad is pushing 60 already, tapos ngayon pa sila umalis... i've been with them for 30 years... day in and out... it was too hard for me to take all this in... maraming nangyari na naiinis ako ng sobra... hindi ko na lang ilalagay dito dahil ayoko ng maalala...

nung afternoon, Anton and I went to the bank to get my ATM card, and then we went to the office so I can finish something... at about 2pm my mom texted me that they were already in Hongkong for the stop-over....

sinundo kami ni Dada... nung nasa bahay na ko and was changing my clothes, i stopped to look at the empty room... i strained to hear something... any noise that will make me feel like i was home... everything looked so gloomy.

hindi ko na napigilan... i cried like i lost something that i couldn't recover. i texted my mom and told her how much i missed them both. this is what happens. this is now. there is no mistaking it.
after 30 years, i am now literally alone.



dumating si Dada... he tried hugging me and told me to stop texting my mom like that coz baka malungkot pa cla dun... sabi pa niya andun naman daw siya... as if.

he slept there... medyo naging kampante din ako coz at least we have a man in the house at night... i dunno if he will be sleeping there all the time from now on... ayoko sana... naiinis din ako, coz nung andito pa sila Mama, para na lang siyang laging sinisilaban... nakakainis... coz ngayon nagtetext siya kung anong iluluto ko for dinner and all that... he did things that he didn't do before... i hated it... i wish he stops acting like i want him to be there.. that he can replace my parents... that now he can walk freely in my parents house at di na mahiya... naiinis talaga ako..

i couldn't sleep din kasi coz i thought my mom was gonna text me as soon as they arrive... i forgot what time she told me that they will arrive there, so i just waited... i turned my fone's ringer to loud so i can hear..

i was a little paranoid coz a lot of things happened a week just before they left, that they said was aberya sa kanilang pag-alis... the pc broke down... the lights went out... i just wanted to be sure that they were safe...

finally, today at 11:27 am, Mom texted me that they were already in NY... i sighed a relief.

later on, i will be going home and changing my clothes in my mother's bedroom... i will be looking after my kids, and checking on dinner... i will be telling my kids to wash their feet before they go to bed... will check on Anton if he's got the sniffles and if he needs to take his allergy medicine... i will check on any messages... will close the gas tank... will make sure that tap is open so we can collect water overnight... i will be turning off lights as i go from one floor to another... i will be checking that all plugs are unplugged, and doors are all locked...

i will be doing this everyday... til my parents find their way back home.

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