Monday, May 30, 2005

slashing ur wrists may not kill u, but it may burn ur spirit.

hay.... pasensya na sa mga nakabasa ng post ko... ganan talaga buhay eh... minsan nakakaloka... minsan masaya....

ngayon, masaya... katabi ko kasi ang babaitang ito. nabuhayan na naman ako ng loob kahit ba nagalit siya sa kin at hindi ko kasi tinuloy ang paghihiwa ng pulso. gusto na ata niya kong mawala sa tabi niya. mas lab niya na ata ito.

sabi niya nga, ginawa ko raw yun para may maisulat ako dito. hindi ko po siya sinabunutan. minura, oo.

oh well. tapos na yun eh. time to move on.

nakita niyo ba ang quit meter ko? o diva? feeling kakayanin ang hindi pagyo-yosi ah... hm... tingnan natin... honest naman ako pag dating sa bagay na yun eh. no big deal.

since Memorial Day sa US, walang emails ngayon, so petix ang buong team Mahiwagang-Daliri. blog dito, blog doon. galeng di ba? sarap pumetix lalo na pag binabayaran ka.

nung Sabado pagkatapos nga pala ng lahat, lumayas ako ng bahay... nagpaumanhin sa katulong na hindi ko kayang humarap sa mga tao sa ngayon (kasi may mga bisita kaming darating), at kung pde siya na ang humarap... sakay ng jeep papuntang Glorietta.... manonood ako ng sine, naisip ko...

at nakita kong palabas na ang Madagascar. yehey! parang bata akong bumili agad ng Wendy's chicken breast fillet meal, and watched the fun, fun, fun movie. all around me were kids!

the monster texted me a monstrous message but i ignored it, and turned off my fone. to hell with you (and me). im gonna have a little fun, even if it was only watching cute animals with hooves and paws.

i promised myself im gonna watch House of Wax this week, and i'd probably watch it tomorrow with her and her. Sino mang gustong sumama, tell us. im gonna watch every freakin movie at Glorietta just to alleviate this nonsense that i am feeling.

Sunday, the monster was in the house begging like a sick puppy... he should thank his lucky stars that my bro chose that day to come down to Manila... so i stayed civil... we went out with Kuya who is still sick, btw. we bought some groceries and we ate at Max's.

They have this new dessert, and i luv it. it's ube-flavored, and i don't know exactly how to describe it. Milky white exterior with ube on top and on the inside. Yummy. So, now, i'm fatter than usual. Grr....

Now, i still feel bad, don't get me wrong... ganun pa rin naman eh... wala pa ring nagbabago... i'm still a prisoner of someone's illusion of love.... and i'm bound to die a natural death, still unhappy...

There are times when i ask myself what if.... or times that all i can do is just stare at the monitor, or the window next to my station, or the band-aid on my left wrist which still hurts from time to time... there are times that i feel out of it... that i feel something strange but cannot pinpoint what exactly... there are times when i feel like approaching and talking to people that i am 'ignoring' today... but i can't.

so, i steer clear from you coz im not sane. i steer clear from you coz i'm no different from Charlie, nor anyone else who was stupid enough to break into pieces the way i did.

i steer clear from you coz i have to.

for your sake.

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