Wednesday, August 24, 2005

of harsh realities and language barriers

nung Sunday, nagsimba kami ng 10 am.. kasama ko yung dalawang kasambahay namin at ang tatlong bata... galit na galit sa akin si Dale (my son who has Asperger's Syndrome) kasi ayaw niyang magsimba... eto ang takbo ng usapan namin (pabulong ako, pasigaw siya):

Dale: I hate you Mommy... I don't love you... I want to go to Mama to the States! hmp! hmp!

Ako: Baby, we're inside the church... do not shout.

Dale: I don't want to simba eh. hmp! hmp!

(kasalanan ko to, simula ng umalis ang paryentes ko, hindi na kami nakakasimba ng regular)

Ako: But you have to go to church every Sunday starting now.

(i recently promised myself that i will teach my kids the value of religion, even if i don't actually believe in it)

Dale: No, i don't want to go to church... i'm going home! hmp! hmp!

(by now, napapansin niyo na siguro na mahilig siyang magsabi ng 'hmp!' pag galit siya)

Ako: Baby, you are not going home. You're going to finish the service. We'll go home after an hour.

Dale: I don't love you! I love Mama and Papa. Pupunta ko ng States! hmp! hmp!

(may tears na ito... and when he cries his dimples start to show... hehe... Dale's expression of disappointment in someone is telling him/her that he doesn't love that person... but he doesn't mean it, believe me...)

Ako: Baby, you need a passport and a ticket to go to the States. Shush!

(looking at me quizzically...)

Dale: what's that?

Ako: (patay mali) what's what?

Dale: passport! what's that?

Ako: ah.. eh... it's like an ID that you use in school... you need to have an ID before they let you go to the States. (darn it.)

Dale: I have an ID! (oo nga naman...)

Ako: You have a school ID. But you don't have a passport.

(silence... di na niya siguro ma-gets... ako rin eh.)

Dale: I want to go to the States. hmp! hmp!

Ako: Baby, you don't have a ticket, too.

Dale: I will buy ticket. hmp! hmp!

(karga ko na siya nito)

Ako: Baby, the ticket to the States costs too much.

Dale: How much?

Ako: (thinking that he wouldn't grasp the concept of money)we can't afford it. It's too expensive.

Dale: How much??? (okay, okay!)

Ako: Ok, it's 60T pesos.

Dale: What??? 60T???!!! Not one thousand? (astoundingly loud with matching hand gestures)

Ako: Shush! No, baby... it's 60T.

(resting his head on my shoulder, feeling resigned...)


(after a while, he asked me another heart-wrenching question...)

Dale: Do you have 60T?

Ako: (utang na loob!!!!!) No, baby... I don't even have one thousand...


tumahimik na siya nito.. dinala ko na rin kasi siya sa sindihan ng kandila para medyo malibang...

Dale speaks in English ever since he could speak. We often experience some difficulty with this 'coz not all people the he encounters are equipped with an english tongue. even his Dad gets frustrated at times.. hehe...

Yung teacher niya hindi alam kung magrereklamo o pupurihin siya kasi minsan daw nauubusan siya ng english... and there's only two of them in class who speaks in english... Dale and Kim (guapo at autistic din)...

Like dati nung nasa hospital siya, he was constantly eating pizza that he was dubbed as the 'pizza boy' by the nurses...

Doctor: eto pala yung pizza boy...

(Dale was watching TV and eating pizza and ignoring the nice doctor)

Doctor: ano'ng kinakain mo kuya? (listening to his breathing, taking his temp, and all that jazz)

(Dale still watching the TV, ignores the nice doctor)

Doctor: kuya... ano'ng kinakain mo?

(Dale still watching the TV, ignores the nice doctor)

Doctor: and suplado naman ni kuya... (sabay hawak sa chin niya)

Ako: er... you might wanna try talking to him in english... (wincing)

Doctor: ay, ganon? english spokening dollars pala si kuya eh... kuya, what's that you're eating?

Dale: (not taking his eyes of the TV) pizza.

I sometimes feel apologetic at some point that I realized Dale needs to learn how to speak and understand Tagalog... so we let him watch Tagalog shows on TV... and translate Engligh words to him to Tagalog... minsan he asks the Tagalog word himself...

Now, he understands Tagalog and speaks in Tagalog, too... sinasanay na namin... but he sounds funny when he does... medyo slang. haha.

naawa ako sa kanya 'coz he couldn't understand some of life's realities... pero little by little, he's coming out of his shell... and i'm sure that sooner or later, he will be able to understand that not all roses are red.

i'm just hoping that it will come sooner and not later...



nagtataka si Ronald kung bakit ako biglang 'bumait'. hindi ko na daw siya sinisigawan or minumura... tingnan mo nga naman... maging masama o mabuti ugali mo, papansinin ka rin... nyahahaha...

ayoko lang mangyari sa akin ang nangyari sa N'Sync... hehehe....

I Drive Myself Crazy
N'Sync

Lying in your arms
So close together
Didn't know just what I had
Now I toss and turn
Cause I'm without you
How I'm missing you so bad
Where was my head?
Where was my heart?
Now I cry alone in the dark
I lie awake
I drive myself crazy
Drive myself crazy
Thinking of you
Made a mistake
When I let you go, baby
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do

I was such a fool
I couldn't see it
Just how good you were to me

You confessed your love
Undying devotion
I confessed my need to be free
And now I'm left
With all this pain
I've only got myself to blame

I lie awake
I drive myself crazy
Drive myself crazy
Thinking of you
Made a mistake
When I let you go baby
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do

Why didn't I know it
(How much I loved you, baby)
Why couldn't I show it
(If I had only told you)
When I had the chance
Oh, I had the chance

I drive myself crazy
Oh, so crazy
I lie awake
I drive myself crazy
Drive myself crazy
Thinking of you
Made a mistake
Let you go, baby
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do

I lie awake
I drive myself crazy
Made a mistake
Let you go, baby
I drive myself crazy
Wanting you the way that I do
I drive myself crazy
wanting you the way that I do

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