Monday, September 05, 2005

a weekend of disappointments

i was on leave Friday and Saturday...

Friday, i went to PRC to get my Board certificate. No hassles on that day.


Saturday was my cousin Lexel's wedding... i was the commentator... i was of course, apprehensive of the task since i haven't done this 'speaking-in-front-of-the-public' thing for ages...

And just my luck, the misallette they provided me was all wrong... so a lot of blunders there...

what with not having anything 'formal' to wear...

and then, the worst part was, Ronald didn't come... so Anea and I didn't have a ride to and from... luckily, my brother recently bought a second-hand run-down car... luckily again, it still runs... barely. hehe...

we got there in time... but lo and behold... it rained. hard.

we didn't have an umbrella... so we were soaking wet when we entered the church... me, in my frilly, very pink skirt.

Ronald said he'll try to come to the reception... he didn't... according to him, he couldn't get out of work earlier...

so we didn't have a ride home.

luckily again, my aunt heard of it and had us sent home by their driver in their van.


Sunday, it was Anea's Family Day in school...

All is good, except for one detail.

Ronald, didn't come. Again. For whatever reason. He promised he would. But since promises coming from him are written in water...

After the event, Anea and I decided to go to Harrison Plaza to buy toys for her and her brothers because my Lola who came from the States gave them $10 each...


When we got home, i asked Ronald if he could accompany me to my cousin Judell's show at the CCP. It was a tribute to Kiokok.

He didn't want to. So, I took a taxi.

I was very disppointed to have to watch the show alone, but since it was ages since I've watched ballet, i was excited to go.

Luckily, my aunt and uncle was there, too.

After the show, which by the way, was out of this world, they treated me out to Rai Rai Ken and i ordered just the California Maki and a glass of Mango Shake.

And they brought me home as well.


Why was it a weekend of disappointments?

Because I felt like I was someone who isn't on anybody's priority list.

But come to think of it, even if Ronald wasn't there, I had some other people to take his place.

This goes to prove that even if I am not on anybody's priority list, I still am... important.


a good friend of mine texted me while I was in the wedding asking if we could talk... since he was registered as having called me, i thought that is was thru the phone that he wanted to talk... so i texted back and asked him to call since i didn't have load at that time...

but, for some reason, he decided to text instead.

i have felt a sense of belongingness in him that i have never felt before in all of my friends... even if he is SENSITIVE and STUBBORN as hell, i dunno... i guess i still understand him.

he was feeling down and low... and i felt it, too.

the next day i texted him and tried to make him feel a little better, but he said:

"ang sarap magpakamatay, no?"

as if i didn't know that... me, being the suicide addict knows that at times when you are really feeling low, it's just so exhausting to think of going on...

but i told him:

"masarap kung talagang di mo na kaya... pero kung di mo na kaya, hati tayo sa dinadala mo... para kakayanin mo na..."


para sayo, kahit alam kong hindi mo mababasa to...

hindi ko alam kung ano ang problema... i am respecting your decision not to tell me... i know you have your reasons... i know that you are cautious, that you find it hard to trust people, even me... i don't blame you, coz even I betrayed ur trust when you asked me to stop doing something that I still am doing right now...

pero, alam mo na, sinabi ko na sayo lahat kahapon when i woke up... there's a strange bond between us that nobody, not even I, can ever explain... one thing i am sure of is that if you hurt, i hurt even more... without knowing why or how or until when...

ikaw na mismo nagsabi... i wouldn't know what the future will bring... so, please... hang on. ang problema, nalalagpasan yan... in time, makakalimutan mo rin yun... in time, mawawala rin yung sakit... just learn to let go.

marami pang nagmamahal sa yo... marami pang mga taong dadaan sa buhay mo... pati na rin ako, pwedeng mawala sayo... pero narito pa ang pamilya mo... narito pa ang mga kaibigan mo... mahal ka nila... mahal din kita.

cheer up... even for a while... makikita mo, good things will come your way... if you just learn to SEE and ACCEPT things the way they really are.

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