Friday, October 14, 2005

saving your life

save meyesterday, i only processed around 140 emails... i wasn't feeling well... the kind that you feel you are sick, but you don't have a fever or a cold. kainis...

all i do nowadays when i get home from work is take a bath, eat, read a little, and then sleep... i think i'm getting old-er... or i'm just sick.

my mother always asks me to go visit the doctor, do not put it off til tomorrow... you have a health card anyway.... but, i really cannot find the time to go... i always have this lame excuse--work.

working in a call center has only two advantages as far as i can see, it's money and a good health benefit. other than that, you can get them some place else.

but, just like what my mom said, how can you continue working and taking care of your kids, if you're sick? why don't you listen to what i'm telling you? why do you continue to put off going to get your thyroid checked? why? why? why?

i really don't know why... maybe i'm just lazy... or maybe it's the thought of another operation...

i've had six already... and i don't think i can take anymore... contrary to rumors, i'm not as tough as they think... i also have weird coward moments... big needles and scalpels are scary stuff. you might not wake up over that cold, steel table... one wrong move, one miscalculation, can send me 6 feet below. and i'm scared of that. not of dying, per se. but leaving someone behind.

i cannot bear thinking that my kids are gonna be left alone without me... other reasons cannot top that.

but then, i thought, if i put this off, my condition can worsen and then there won't be anything to do for me... then, it's like going under the knife, with just one difference--you didn't do anything to prevent it, to save yourself and your kids.

so, tomorrow, i'm gonna be waiting in a white room full of people, reading a paperback while waiting for someone to say:

"Rachelle? The doctor will see you now."

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