I always thought that finding a person who can keep your secrets is non-existent. That people who claim they live in imperfection but looked seemingly like the opposite can ever be true. That beauty and brains cannot go together. That broken means 'i can be fixed'.
The impossibility of finding someone who can melt into your very soul and weld itself in your being, I now pronounce possible. And I found her 3 years ago.
Many have asked. A few have been privileged to be in the know of how I met this wonderful woman. How she thought of me as a snob, and how I thought of her as, well, 'maarte'.
Many have speculated on the nature of our friendship, even kidding us, and saying things like "Nag-quickie kayo sa elevator noh?!" And us just laughing it all off.
A lot has happened with our lives, and many have been shared. Teardrops were simultaneously shed. Laughter, filled every room we shared. Songs have been exchanged. Curses are our petnames. Looking at people and telling stories about them, our favorite hobby.
I miss everything that I have experienced with her. Yes, even the tears. Yes, even the insults on how I look like and dress. Yes, even the days that she misses out on our 'dates'.
She was the one who pulls me up from every quicksand. Who picks me up from every fall. Who slaps me for every fatal thought. Who curses me for every stupid thing I have done.
And for that, I am still alive today.
No matter how life changed us both. No matter how she even changed her preference in love. No matter how she screws up. I have always tried to be the one who challenges her to think, to look into her self, to choose with her heart.
I noticed her today. I know when a cloud is hanging over her head. I know when she lies to me. I know when she wants to tell me something but chooses not to. When she bends the truth a little to suit my ears.
I noticed her today. And her eyes were sad. And I pity her. And I am mad as hell to those persons who make her feel like a lesser person, to those who says loves her but doesn't give her a moment's peace, to those who came again and makes her life miserable, and to those who stayed but still makes her sad.
And all I can do is to listen. To tell her to stop. To tell her to think. To tell her to choose. To tell her to defend herself.
But no matter what I tell her, and how I let her know, it will always be her decision. I hope I can just tell everyone to 'leave her alone'. To let her be happy, because she was... until someone came along. Until someone took something of hers that she fell in line for. Until someone she thought was different turned out to be only human.
Some people are just cruel. If you truly loved a person... I believed you wouldn't want her to be confused, miserable, and sad.
I believe you should just let her go.