Wednesday, October 31, 2007

no estoy asustado

my mom and i saw one of our neighbors today. her son just got out of the hospital. he was also sick. he has almost the same disease as i do. almost at the same time. he is also 32. he underwent dialysis already.

his mom's eyes got so wide when she saw me, and this is what she said to me:

"hindi ka pa dinadialysis? ok ka pa?"

i smile and nod.

his son wasn't as lucky as me. he was placed an access on his neck. on the other hand, i am already prepared for it. i have a fistula on my right arm. as soon as my doctor told me, i went in for surgery last year.

it was obvious that they were unprepared for what have happened. but, it was lucky that they have sufficient means for a transplant since they own a bakery in our street. so, they are now preparing for that.

yes, i have thought of transplantation. but, i am hoping that if that time comes, all of us are prepared as well.

i am still praying that i will get well... that a bigger miracle will be bestowed... i can't complain, since being dialysis-free for one more year is a big miracle already.

still, i cannot say that i am a hundred percent okay. i get scared sometimes. in fact, i am now. of a lot of things.

but, if there's one thing that i am not afraid of, it is being alone.

the picture above? not gonna be me.

for one, i'm afraid of the sea. and two, nobody in my family will let me wade out there alone.

Friday, October 26, 2007

si Anea at si GMA

kagabi habang nanonood kami ng TV, syempre nakain din kami, binalita ang paglaya ni Erap. Pagkatapos noon ay ang sinabi ni FVR na:

Announcer: "...di na magtatagal ang pamamahala ni GMA."

Anea: (di tumitigil sa pagkain) "yey."

hindi po "Yehey!!!", kundi "yey."

malamyang sagot para sa malamyang pamahalaan.

The youth knows best, I guess.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

heartbreaking... Glorietta blast story

i just wish this does not happen again anymore. It was a nightmare. That day I was in class at Cervantes, everybody's fone rang almost at the same time, text messages and calls from family and friends informing us of what happened... and all I could think of was if my mom went to Glorietta earlier than expected. We were supposed to go there after my class, to buy gifts for my niece. Thank God she texted me right away.

i kept on thinking.. what if it happened on a Saturday, when me and my kids are almost always there, buying Pokemon statues from the Gift Factory, or looking at stationeries at the Papemelroti, or buying fraps (Tony and Anea's fave) from Starbucks, or buying CDs from CDR King, or just going to the comfort rooms beside YRYS? I shuddered at those thoughts.

May God bless the families of the casualties... may they find it in themselves to see the good with the bad... may we all see that every day is worth living like it was our last... so, tell your loved ones how you feel... spend quality time with them... change for the better... forgive the ones who hurt you... ask for forgiveness from the ones you hurt... break up with your sadistic boyfriend... stop beating your wife... stop stealing, cheating, and being jealous... make a difference... dance... laugh... cry... make everything count.

Today might be our last on earth. I just wish that heaven is what we all expect it to be--no gas explosions or bombs. Just better than this.


Good day everyone,

I wish I were writing under different circumstances.

I would like to inform you that my wife Leslie Cruz
was part of the casualties in the Glorietta 2 Mall
bombing in Makati City , Philippines . She was supposed
to have a minor out patient surgery at Makati Medical
Center at 230pm.

I had taken a leave from work to accompany her there.
We dropped off our daughter, Amber, at my parents
place in QC to babysit at around 10am. We then
proceeded to Makati and was there at 1230pm. Since she
had been fasting in preparation for her procedure, she
wanted to move around and listen to some music while I
grabbed a bite to eat. We parked at the basement of
Park Square 2, and headed for the Glorietta 2
entrance. We parted at the top of the escalator, she
turned right towards Filbar's while I went left
towards the restaurants. That was the last time I
would see her.

Around 120pm, she had called me so that we can meet at
the Glorietta 2 exit just in time to make her
appointment. As I made my way there from Glorietta 1
through the connecting hallways, and was about to turn
the corner, I heard 2 deep thumps and the shock-wave
from the blast hit me. At that moment my heart dropped
as I knew that the origin of the blast came from the
same place where we were supposed to meet. I tried
getting to where my wife was, but the dust was too
much and it was as if I was staring at a white wall.

I still tried to convince myself that she was able to
make it out, and that after ringing her mobile without
a response only meant that she dropped it in the
confusion. After 6 hours of searching from Makati Med.
to Ospital ng Makati , the blast site, and back again
to MMC - with the help of all the people I could get
hold of, that I was able to get confirmation in what
the state of my wife was.

My Dad and Uncle signaled me in from the ER of MMC. My
Uncle (who's a doctor) asked me to describe Leslie's
appearance to another group of doctors. I saw in the
eyes of one that the description made sense. Instead
of confirming it to me, they huddled together, then
brought me to a small examination room. It was only
through a digital camera that I was able to confirm
(and deny) that she was indeed gone.

I have so many regrets. I should have met her sooner.
I should have ran instead of a brisk walk. I should
have not chose to park where I did. I should have
braved the dust and went in the blast site. I should
have ...

Today's the 4th day. It is still terribly difficult to
breathe, let alone wake up realizing that your source
of strength, your best friend doesn't lie beside you
on your bed. That my deepest worry is when Amber
starts asking for her Mama.

I am glad that Amber's too young to understand the
loss and pain. In time I would like to tell her the
details of how her mother died, but more importantly I
would like to raise her as how her mother lived - a
loving person, strong willed, decisive, caring, and
nurturing. She has always cared for her family and
friends, and sacrfied her career for being a full time
mom and home maker.

As with all couples we had our ups and downs - none of
which I regret not going through. The sweet is never
as sweet without the sour. For almost 4 years of
marriage, we've finally hit our balance in life only
to be taken away in an instant. I have no regrets
about our marriage. She has loved me and Amber beyond
her capacity. I will always love her.

It is my first time to write to egroup as I've lurked
and watched emails being sent to and fro. All I want
now is that for each of the couples here is to cherish
each moment that we spend with our loved ones. Pretty
simple to say, very easy to take for granted.

Thank you all for the prayers. I would still like to
ask you to please include Leslie in them until her
40th day so that the path to God's kingdom is well lit
and she is no longer in the dark.


Carlo Cruz

Thursday, October 18, 2007


(assignment namin to for today... hay... nosebleed... sana tama, pero parang ang dami kong maling grammar. oh well.)

Me gustan fiestas celebrabas de niño/a. Por ejemplo, el cumpleaños, el Dia de San Valentin, el Dia de la Madre, el Dia del Padre, la primera comunion, el Dia de los Santos, el Dia de los Muertos, la pascua, la Navidad, y Año Nuevo.

Todas fiestas celebrabas con regalos, sorpresa, viaje, flores, dulces, comida especial, familia, y amigos.

En mi familia, celebramos el cumpleaños todo dia. A veces, vamos en un viaje, y celebramos el cumpleaños en varios lugares, para nadar. Pero, típicamente, empiezando con visita de iglesia para acción de gracias. Después, comemos la comida especial en mi casa. Por ejemplo, espagueti--para la vida larga, el pollo frito, cerdo asado, helado de chocolate, torta del mocha, y vario alimento filipino.

Cantamos “¡feliz cumpleaños!” en voces todas ruidosas. Abrimos los regalos de la familia y de amigos.

Después, vamos al centro comercial para miramos una película, o compramos varias cosas, y comemos otra vez en una restaurante. Cuando somos todos cansados, vamos detrás a casa, y comemos otra vez.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

dausdos no more

years after, i decided to change my blog address. and when i checked now, Dausdos is now some pilates website. Que horror!!! =)

santuariodemicorazon is more meaningful for me... my life in a nutshell... my hopes and dreams.. my life and death... my tears and laughters... my heart's sanctuary, indeed.

=================== and to rant for a while...

i have been a blogger for years now... i don't make money out of it like some people do. yes, i comment to posts... saying things like i've been there, done that. and i've learned that it wasn't true. i might have crossed the same path, but i never was there.

over the years, i learned that there are posts that i shouldn't comment on, except when i was personally invited to view it, or if i thought that my experience could help.

but still, there are still some people who's born to make other people's life a mockery. and i have met another one of them on this blog.

i know that there are people who can relate to some of my posts. thinking that they 'know' what i am talking about and what i'm feeling. let me enlighten you--nobody but me, really does.

you can tell me things. you can try to convince me. but you won't succeed. because your problems? they might have been greater than mine. but, i really doubt it. and i am not about to tell you why. let's just say, i am still happy that i am not you. coz you are the weakest person i have ever came across with.

my pain is not yours. my joy is not yours. you will never know.

don't tell me that you went through the same thing. you haven't. even twins do not have the same emotions at the same time.

you cannot judge me for what you have read here or there. you cannot tell me that i was a no-good friend. you were not there.

you can comment all you want, tell me your own sob story, but you cannot judge me. Nobody should. This is my blog. even if this is public, you should respect it. if you have things on your mind, if you feel like your story is worth-telling, go make yourself a blog! Rant all you want. Criticize me all you want. It's gonna be your blog, and i won't care. That's one of the reason's why i have a blog... aside from the fact that it helps me and it heals me... i wanna have an avenue to say things that's on my mind. so, why are there people who doesn't have a blog, but who comments like they own mine?

As far as I know, you're just some crazy old hag who doesn't know what to do with her life. you said you're happy now? asus! you're still bitter! read your comments! bitterness all over! you're not happy! you're campaigning against other women's happiness.

tanga man kami, we admit that we're still humane. that we still honor our commitment of 'for better or for worse'. it's not like our ex-husbands raped our daughters or fucked with the maid. maybe yours did. we don't know! and we don't care! we're not friends anyway. as for me, you're just a lonely fucked-up woman who's so sick and tired of being husband-less that you want everyone else to be like you. (pity)

and before anyone else comments, think level-headedly. 'mum' is the word.

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Sunday, October 07, 2007

somebody get me a genie!

yes, i am salivating green with envy to those who have the MotoROKR E6. Wah!!! very nice to use with this. hay... one more for my wishlist. Engeng 17k!

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Desperate ABC

Dear Friends,

I have just read and signed the online petition:

"Filipino Americans demand for apology from ABC and Desperate Housewives"

hosted on the web by, the free online petition
service, at:

I personally agree with what this petition says, and I think you might
agree, too. If you can spare a moment, please take a look, and consider
signing yourself.

Best wishes,


Nick Vujicic

i just wanted to share this with you. made me cry buckets.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

perdí a amigos hoy

Super word for word translation. =)

Yes, I lost friends today. People I thought were real... Those I thought truly cared. Those who do not speak ill of me. Those who do not blatantly lie to my face.

Yes, I lost friends today. But I am sure I will find many more. Not to replace the ones I lost, but to comfort me through all the pain... to see that life is still worth living... and that there are true people worth trusting.

Yes, I lost friends today. But I found my family. I found my mom. I found myself.

Tomorrow is a brighter day. A promise of truth and leaving behind all the lies.


Yipee! I passed an exam to become America's Next Top Model a business transcriptionist trainee. The training will be on Monday, for 13 days. If I pass, I go directly to work for a transcription company where we will transcribe voicemail messages. Like a call center, without all the talking. A dream come true for some. Haha.

Anyway, before I left, the manager of the school told me that I had the highest score for all the tests. Galing ko di ba?! Joke!

So, this means that Nivel 3 might be my last. =( But I wish I can continue studying Spanish in the future... but for now, I have to prioritize this one. I don't wanna waste an opportunity. =)

Monday, October 01, 2007

On Blog Leave

just like the 'sign' says, i'm gonna take a break from this blog for a while.
as for some people who knows me, i don't need to explain why...
as for those who don't, this is my way of saying
'things are happening in my life that i don't wanna talk or write about'.

no, i'm not sad. nor am i glad.

i just had a light bulb suddenly lighting up over my head... and my heart followed the light.

Lesson Learned: your Mom is more often than not, RIGHT.

and don't worry, i'm gonna ramble about soon enough.