Wednesday, December 12, 2007

a letter to someone who is destined to wipe away my tears.

i know this is sudden. i know this is stupid. but here i am, about to bring stupidity to the next level.

how are you? are you okay? have you been eating well? coz i sure wouldn't want you to starve to death and not be able to meet you.

anyhoo, today has been an effing sad day for me. (hey, it's okay for me to use swear words, right? It's not like you're 12 or something.) well, back to the sad day. I was with someone. For 16 years, I have been with someone. And today is the first time that I have ever convinced myself that it should never have started in the first place.

No, don't get me wrong. I don't have regrets. I only have tears to shed, and hopes to find. And in time, I know I will be well. In time, I will meet you, and I am hoping that you are different. That you can love and be loved in return. That with you, my tears will not drown me. That your arms will comfort me. That we'll have fun pictures together, and we'll hold hands while watching the sun set. That we'll grow old and never look back. You, me, and my kids, and maybe yours, as well, if you have some.

Sure, we can fight some time. We can hurt each other with words, with indifference. But we are not going to finish the day without saying we are sorry. Yes, we. Not you, nor I. We. Because for a relationship to work, two should become one and be separate at the same time.

Yes, there will also be times that we will feel the need to end things... to start anew... and find someone else. But this I am sure, I will also never regret finding you. For you have wiped my tears away and didn't flinch at the sight of my weaknesses.

Would you like to know me? I am Rachelle. I'm 5'4", weighs a hundred and twenty. I'm an aries and I like to read. I am not sexy, or fair, or tanned. I don't even have big boobs or long legs. I like taking pictures, mostly of myself. I have a handful of words stashed in my brain, and zero recipes to cook. I can do the laundry when I have to, but I hate it when I have to clean the bathroom.

I dream in pictures, and I sometimes dream of you, though you're face is not clear. I haven't dreamed in monochrome, and for that I am thankful. Coz I believe that the world is best viewed in color.

If you liked what you've read, come find me. Look for me. Relieve me from my misery.

And to make it easier for you to find me, close your eyes and dream of me. That's where we'll find each other. In a world with no boundaries, no pretentions, no judgments, and no fears.

And as I've said before, bring coffee, okay?

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