I am a Catholic. I hear mass every Sunday. I pray. I was raised believing in hell and in heaven. In what God supposedly said was right and wrong. The 10 Commandments. The 7 Deadly Sins. The Eight Beatitudes. Forgiving seventy times seven times.
Through it all, I can say that I had my share of everything. Committing sin, repenting, helping others, forgiving a person more than once in his lifetime.
My life is a constant struggle. A seemingly never-ending test of patience, virtue, and strength. I have been on the verge of every imaginable breakdown in the last 33 years that I have breathed.
But I did breathed.
And in everytime I failed to acknowledge the presence of God as a friend I can trust to listen to my fears, I feel ashamed. Sometimes, eventhough you have poured everything to someone, like your bestfriend or a co-worker or your mother, you still feel the need to talk to someone who'll never judge, and will give you hope without even hearing them out loud.
I believe that God lives in all of us. We just need to find where He resides.
Throught my almost 3 years of being sick, from hearing the diagnosis, going through miracle healing masses, never-ending tests, drinking herbal medicines, dialysis, plasmapheresis, and the kidney transplant, until now, I have had many conversations with God. I've tried sadness, hoping, anger, asking questions, asking for help, strength, and most importantly, giving due thanks.
Now, after everything, I do feel blessed by Him. Not only with the way things have worked out, but by making me believe in the power of friendship and prayer.
I have lost my faith in God before because of all the trials in my life. I have gone to Him angry, and if I could throw a plate at Him, I think I would have. I have been hurt in every imaginable pain going through life that I thought it was all God's doing, testing me everytime.
But now, everything is moving towards its right place--my family, my marriage, Dale, my health. I feel that all I have asked for from Him are currently being answered. The phrase "in His time" answers all my questions.
In the three years I didn't let go. I thought that when things go wrong, I could just forget He existed. I thought praying to God and asking was all there was to it. When I tried treating God as my friend, that's when everything changed. And when things didn't work out, I didn't forget Him, I ranted and raved and asked too many questions, just like what you'd do with a friend.
I am living proof of God's mercy and grace. Start a friendship with the Lord. Seek Him, talk to Him, tell Him a story, laugh with Him, ask Him questions, get mad at Him, cry to Him, and then thank Him, for hearing you out.
Someday, you'll find that God is all the friend you need.