Tuesday, September 30, 2008

darn.

as I suspected, my creatinine went up.

maybe because of the allergy incident. and maybe... rejection.

i don't want to think of the latter.

tests will be repeated on Monday. If it doesn't go down, they'll pump me with IV steroids. Hopefully, that won't be necessary. But if it is, i hope that everything will be okay after that.

Prayers are very much appreciated.

Monday, September 29, 2008

i really think everyone should have Claritin in their kikay kits.

damn.

we ate at Sisig Hooray yesterday afternoon. I ordered the bangus one, coz I have to lay off meat. I also ate a cassava.

After eating, we went to the grocery. As soon as we entered, I felt woozy... and then I had this terrible headache, and I thought that my blood pressure went up or something... my doctor was warning me about this, coz my meds can cause high blood pressure as one of its adverse effects, that's why she wants me to go on a diet and get back to the old 50kg weightless freak that I was when I came to her.

Anyway, I felt so bad, I wanted to just collapse right there and then, but I controlled myself... I was thinking of my Mom... she might freak or something. When we were in the checkout, my Mom finally noticed. I was red! And not the ordinary red. I was red-red! Whatever. I was freakishly red.

We went home. I texted my doctor, said that I take Claritin, and so I did. Course, my Mom was already talking of ERs and cab trips, and calling all brotherly forces to convince me to get out of bed and we rush to Makati Med.

But I told them to hush and that we give Claritin, my new bestfriend, some time to work.

Hay... Claritin was a blast. I could have kissed her, gave her chocolates, and texted her non-stop, if she was just human.


Nway, enough about yesterday.

Lunchtime today was a nightmare. Well, after lunch.

I ate fish. Yeah, I'm THAT stupid. I ate tulingan. As soon as I was drinking my after lunch ampalaya tea (been addicted to tea since I found out it makes me burp, I've not been burping... i'm weird), Yaya said, "namumula ka."

uh-oh.

Scary allergy was back.

And it came back with a vengeance.

Every inch of my body was then covered in splotches of red. My face was freakishly beet-red. I immediately downed a Claritin. I checked my BP (130/70), and it seems fine. That's my normal BP. But then I saw my heartrate. It's a hundred and twenty. My normal heartrate was 70-80.

When I went to bed, my heart was beating so fast and so loud, it took all my strength not to shout for my mother to bring me to the ER already. Grabe, it was so scary. Not to mention, my right side was moving, feels like my new kidney is affected by it all. So that's double-scary!

I prayed and prayed, and then I fell asleep. Claritin makes me sleepy, as all other allergy meds do.

I woke up from the smell of my mother entering my room. Yeah, her smell. Maybe she was checking up on me, I don't know. But I didn't open my eyes. I slept again. When I did open my eyes, all I can think of was, THANK GOD.

My skin was back to normal, I didn't have the terrible headache, and I cannot hear my own heart pumping anymore.

That scary experience aside, I now declare that Claritin is my best ever friend in the whole world. *grins*

and bread... coz how can anyone be allergic to bread?

Never again will I eat tulingan or that sinful bangus sisig.

Friday, September 26, 2008

Rain... just go away.

If you think hard enough, some of the moments that captured
your senses will come back to you.





As I was sorting out my files, the rain noisily tapping on my window, drops of water coming down from my ceiling to my wet floor covered in scraps of paper, I came back to the times that I smelled the air exactly like how i'm smelling it now.

A day in Batangas... a day in Shangrila... a day in Tagaytay...

Previous trips with different people during different occasions.

What's difficult is, together with the smell of rain, the hurt came back to haunt me. And it came back with a flood of tears.

I got up and went to the veranda... Looked up and wished there were stars that night. Stars always made me a little happy. But today, the rain clouds them. I felt alone. I shivered and crawled under the blanket, closed my eyes, and pretended that it was not rain that was tapping on my window... that I was shivering from a different kind of cold... I chose to think of it, for I know it wouldn't bring back any memory.

As I drifted off to sleep, I tried to picture myself on top of a hill... twirling under all the glowing white...







It was snowing.












It did not rain today. But my floor's still wet. My ceiling still gives out little drops of water every now and then. Much like how pain resides in your heart, and chooses opportunities like a change in weather to make itself known.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Indian Burial Grounds

the site that's been keeping me mindfully alive the past few days, just closed.

:sigh: