Friday, March 20, 2009

Letting go of friendships...

I sometimes think that I have this terrible disease. I gain friends, but not all of them became close to me, of course. People have this automatic on/off switch. If you don't get interested, then you turn yourself off.

She was someone I instantly didn't like coz she was pretty. Yes, I was THAT kind of person. Maybe because I'm not. And maybe because I have this low self-esteem thanks to my philandering husband.

That time, I was with an all-male crowd... and they had their eyes on her. They asked me to befriend her. I almost choked on blood and bile. But circumstances beyond our control made us friends, then, really good friends that it could pass as being almost the best I could have thought of.

In all the years that followed, we changed. Who doesn't?

And the changes that followed her, I didn't like. Just this month, the changes, I couldn't stomach. Abandoning her kids to be with her new friends for five days in God knows where (coz she didn't tell anyone, made her family worry and tell the police about it)... is way above my list of unforgivable acts of selfishness.

I think I ended the friendship by sending her a harsh text message. I don't feel good about it, but I also do not feel all that bad. She should know that she was really what I texted her. She didn't text back. I changed my number and didn't bother to inform her about it.

I know I am not a perfect person. I have my share of selfishness and all that... but, I believe that in order for one person to know the importance of someone or something, she should first lose it. Maybe by losing me and her family's respect and trust, will make her realize everything.

For her own good, I wish she will. I still love her, but I don't think I can go back to how we were before.

It is sad to lose a friend, but better to lose a friend than to lose your sense of what's right and wrong. =(

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