Friday, August 28, 2009
I'm a Coward.
It has been known that Dale has been afraid of a handful of things. The rain was the first which surfaced. Until now, when it rains, I always think if Dale is doing okay in school. I have been worried for almost seven years now. I cannot help worrying over him, especially when I am not with him.
That is, until today.
When we were about to watch the Dolphin show at Ocean Adventure (Subic), one of the coordinators approached us and asked if we were willing to let Dale be a volunteer for the Dolphin Encounter portion. Of course, I have to ask Dale first. He thought for a moment and said yes. I told the coordinator that we'll give it a try.
I was worried about the ramp where he is going to walk on because it's just some sort of a float. But he walked slowly but bravely, and told us he can do it. I caught him on video practicing the moves he would have to make. Still, I cannot help worrying. You can hear me saying his name on video, worried that he might go over the fence, spinning like he was. I went back to my seat, because I'm not allowed to be with him, and then waited, wishing that everything will be fine.
Then, as if God was making fun of me.... it rained.
I ran back to the holding deck and told the coordinator that Dale was scared of the rain, so if she can please let me in, and that if she can find someone else.
And then I thought, maybe this is not God making fun of me, but God pushing Dale to go further showing him that there is nothing to be afraid of.
I then told her to talk to Dale first if he's willing to get wet in the rain. She came back with a smile and said that Dale thought for a moment and said yes.
With more than a hundred people about to watch my son... they started watching me as I prayed. I said, please do not make it harder for him than it already is.... watching the other side of the sky... seeing the rain falling harder there... about to come to us still...
He came on the ramp without a care.
He went almost on the edge possibly without fear.
He touched the dolphin with careful hands.
He snapped his hand back when they said he could touch the dolphin's tongue.
He made them dance. He made them dive.
All of these he did without me by his side.
At that moment, it felt like God was laughing in the heavens and telling me... "See? There really was nothing to be afraid of."
Because at that moment, I realized, I was the one who was scared.
Dale was there to make me brave, because he already is.