Friday, August 14, 2009

i'm gonna rant for a bit, ok?

i have been working for just 4 mos and i am now dead tired. i cannot blame anyone but me.

a year after the transplant and here i am, trying to do too many things all at the same time. i teach 3 kindergarten classes in a traditional preschool, and of the 71 students i handle, only about a quarter of them i totally love.

people always think that all children, regardless of whatever, are lovable. i guess, in a way, that is true.... if you are only handling 1 or just 10 children at a time.

but try to be with 25 kids in a situation like mine (including the environment -- noisy and humid) and i am sure that you can "hate" every one of them when they begin to be these little devils in pig-tailed disguises. when the other children from the other classes go crazy, of course, my kids also go loco.

i am to blame, coz i was very eager to teach that i have taken any other issues for granted. the environment i'll be in... the work hours i have to render... the pay... the people i am to work with. not that i don't find them good to work with/for... but sometimes, you think of all the things that could have been better and would have made my (our) teaching lives easier.

don't get me wrong... i am grateful of the experience. i have learned a lot in 4 mos, but no one is perfect and i am entitled to feel this way. *laughs*

just today, she told me that i was teaching/going too fast... that i have covered a lot already. i didn't answer coz i was thinking, how could i know what to teach at what time if she didn't give us a copy of the curriculum, or just what to teach for the month or week?

what she did before was dictate to us the things we need to tackle, and what i did was to plot them on a calendar... and i don't think that (based on what she dictated) i was going too fast coz all the concepts are within the scheduled semester. i know that i am going a little fast coz we're now halfway through our books, but that's what she dictated, and i am an obedient big bitch so i followed. so now, i'm scratching my head thinking where i went wrong and what i could do about it. and i dare not ask her coz *pointing to self* "me=bitch" haha!

aside from the classroom humidity and noise issues, there is also the issue of materials and equipment. sure, there are toys, manila paper, and stuff. but all materials should be teacher-made. and i mean ALL of them... even the pocketcharts! i have to make them from scratch. in this day and age of Teacher's Pet materials (endorsement!), i mean, how much will it cost the church/school to make our lives a little bit easier, and make the children's learning more interesting? even my brand-new CD player is not working! how can i use music to enhance learning then? If I could play the guitar, then it would not be a problem, but i couldn't. i told her about it and she told me that it's not her problem. what the??! so now i go acapella. seesh....

i don't know, i just couldn't get it. when i was doing my practicum, i thought that this is the profession i am suited for, but now, i am beginning to doubt myself.

aside from teaching, of course, my MA classes are also taking a toll on me. i now am thinking of just taking 2 subjects next semester. being in school the whole day and having to prepare for reports are tiring as well. when i am teaching, i am also thinking of my unfinished reports.

and then there are the kids. MY kids, of course. They go home everyday, shoving pieces of paper in my face. "(Tony) Buy a big soap for Makabayan!.... I just got 17/20!!! argh!!!..... I have this freakin' research to pass tomorrow, Ma, so I have to use the PC (Anea, of course).... Mum, I need a Filipiniana costume....(Dale)"

and then all I ask in return is always this: "Kelan kailangan to?/When do you need it?"

And the worst answer a busy mother could hope to hear--"bukas na./Tomorrow!"

Them kids... they think that I am a miracle worker! After waking up at 5am... being at work around 6:30am and leaving at 4pm.... they think that i have a magic wand somewhere to conjure a Filipiniana costume in a jiffy that they can wear tomorrow.

And what's with the soap for Makabayan? They have to carve it with a design. The teacher said, it is one of the "pantahanan" businesses you can do. Huh? And of course, Tony cannot possible handle that one coz he's allergic to ordinary soap (he can only use extra sensitive Dove that my Dad sends from the US and I won't have him use our stash for a project) so I have to do it myself. Thank God, Tony is all about simplicity. "Just carve my name there...." *sneezes*

Not to mention, Dale and Tony getting sick. After Dale's partial seizure last Friday, I had to bring him to the doctor for an EEG (which turned out normal) and I couldn't take my midterm exam in ECE 502. If my prof is to give me a special tomorrow, I am sure to flunk it coz i haven't had the time to check my notes. I haven't even finalized my report for ECE 501 yet.


So now, I am online and not doing anything worthwhile but this, and listening to people chant their gay contender's name outside our house since it's the Feast day of our Patron Saint on Sunday, so fiesta dito and a gay pageant is being held. In front of our house, no less. And with contestants that have bigger boobs than mine.

God. Help me.


  1. Ahahahahaha. This post made me feel like a Kaisa, so suddenly. It's so difficult, having and keeping work, ano..?

    I think it's great you ranted in here. Now to me, you appear so human, and vulnerable to inis and pagod, too, like the rest of us.

    Cheer up nang konti, my good signorina. Tama ka naman eh, magandang experience iyan. I just think that in general, teachers are way sooooo under-appreciated and overworked (I used to date one who was, too. And 3/4 of my siblings are all teachers, as well as my mom. Which is why na-ingrain na yata sa consciousness ko na Ayoko Talaga Mag Teacher Pag Laki ko.).

    Pwede ka bang i-hug..? Pang moral support man lang..?

    *bear hug*

    You are a great teacher, I just know you are. Sana huwag kang magsawa, ha, maski na parang minsan, gusto mo na yatang mag-quit..? Ahahahahaha.

    Sige lang, rant ka lang dito. I think that's one of the more wonderful reason for keeping a personal blog. Ahahahahahaha.

    Dito lang ako, meanwhile. Be happy. Keep safe.

  2. *hugs u back*

    hay... yeah... dumating na talaga ako sa point na gusto ko na mag-quit. not as a teacher, pero dun lang sa workplace. the conditions are not that horrible... im sure there are worse places... yun nga lang.. i think since i'm not as healthy and as young as i was, nahihirapan akong pagsabayin ang family, work, and studies.

    thanks! muah!

  3. You'll find something better. Di man ngayon, one day.