Wednesday, August 22, 2012

What's in My Bag?

I have been reading fashion and living blogs, and I'm fascinated on how they keep appearances. I drool at their clothes, bags, shoes, and accessories; secretly wishing I am as rich or famous as they are.

Anyway, I am inspired to do a "What's in My Bag" post after seeing it in a magazine somewhere.

This is the "dukha" version. No frills. No designer labels. Just the usual pharmacy items. Here goes.

My favorite bag is a dark plum color which I bought from SM some time ago. It's big enough to house my usual "dialysis" day stuff and more. I don't even care if it does not go with the color of my clothes. I wanted to go back and buy another one in black but they ran out.

I usually bring the following:

  • A big scarf that I use as a blanket
  • My cool flat wallet that I got at Robinson's for 150 bucks (a lot has been asking)
  • My floral coin purse I got from Landmark at less than 200
  • An umbrella (my mom always tells me that we live in a tropical country; rain or shine, an umbrella and fan are staples)
  • Water
  • Hairbrush (this is new)
  • Katinko (staple)
  • Bag organizer
  • A small wallet for my cellphones and earphones

This bag organizer has been with me for years. I love it because It's easy to change bags. You just pick it out and put it in another bag. Actually, this isn't the usual organizer, it's just a toiletries bag. Inside it are a few staples like:


  • Alcohol
  • Vicks vaporub and inhaler (for when my nose is stuffy and I start coughing)
  • Compact mirror
  • EOS lipbalm (very nice and minty)
  • Avon lipbalm (for when I need tint)
  • Flashdisk
  • Rosary (uncle gave me this)
  • Spiritual goodies (from one of my besties Anne)
  • A necklace from my daughter
  • Calchews (I can't take big tablets)
  • A hairpin
  • IDs
  • Loose change (for when you forget your coinpurse)
  • Keys

And then sometimes you'll find movie tickets, candy wrappers, wrapped toothpicks, receipts, and RECORMON stubs (I collect these because I can exchange 10 for 1 RECORMON injection free).

Not in the photos are some things that I also usually bring, like my fan (which is missing as of this post probably my daughter took it), a book, my ebook reader, food, and candies.

As I am just your usual sick-mother-who-has-nothing-to-do-at-home kind, I don't have that much luxury of personal items. Most funds are for the children and my healthcare. So if I am to buy a new bag, I'd have to think twice and then forget about it and just spend the money on a trip to the mall with the children, or on a life-prolonging process called dialysis. :))

So there. There aren't much and it's a boring bag. But I've done it! I feel sooooo like a fashionista! :))






I have done this post before I joined BC Bloggers, and this is the meme for August 22, so I just changed the date for this post.  :)

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Tear For Fears

This is a very late post on my Tears for Fears concert experience in Manila on August 10, 2012.  :)

tickets!
My cousins and I planned this for months.  They initially wanted to watch at Waterfront Cebu, but I told them I couldn't go so we opted to watch in Manila.  They bought my ticket for me at SM Ticketnet, which my Mom then paid later.  We were seated on Upper Box worth Php2,640.00.

To say that it was awesome was an understatement, however, I'm getting ahead of myself. 


On August 10, we went there early to avoid the traffic.  We ate at Gumbo first to pass the time.  Before that we scouted for places to eat out, and saw Sumo Sam.  We saw a man (probably a waiter) scooping out rice and placing it in styro food containers.  We all thought maybe this was for relief good for the flood.   What's bad about it was where the rice was being scooped from.  The rice was placed in a garbage bin!  It was lined with plastic, but still.  A garbage bin?  It was like the one on top, but it was blue.  I was really disgusted when I saw it.  Our mistake was we weren't able to take a picture of it.  When we came back, however, it's gone.  I then sent a tweet to both Marvin Agustin and Sumo Sam, but I haven't heard from them. 

Anyway, on to the concert!

almost empty
The first act was Per Sorensen of Fra Lippo Lippi.  He was great! His voice didn't change at all! He sounded just like his records.  He started off with Beauty and Madness and the crowd went wild!  He didn't disappoint.  His band also included his son, the keyboardist, who looks like him when he was younger.

The next act was by Carina Round, who also performed with Tears for Fears as backup, with a Jewel-like voice and asked the audience to participate with her during her last song.

Tears for Fears!
Then, came the duo.  Oh my Lord, the crowd was all screaming and jumping around.  They're not kidding when Roland Orzabal said that their concert in Manila the first time was like a legend.  This time around, I was there to be a part of it!  They started off with Everybody Wants to Rule the World and ended with Shout, which we literally did.

I was waiting for Woman in Chains and I was about to be disappointed during their bow out, but they came back and sang it (before Shout)!  I was in love.  I used that song as my acting piece in my class when I was in college.  I almost cried! Ssssh... don't tell my cousins! Hahahaha!

I hope I can still watch again when they come back, which I hope they will.

Thanks Roland and Curt! I love you still!

See a video (not mine, because mine has a lot of screaming in it) here:








Wednesday, August 08, 2012

The RH Bill and THE BIG FLOOD

Oh no, you didn't!  I am ANTI-RH, but I don't associate what's happening to the Philippines as God's wrath over the RH Bill.  If you really are Catholic, you would know that God will not do that.  This is OUR fault.  See the garbage that floats when you waded through the flood? That's your garbage coming back to haunt you.  *sigh*

Please do not use the name of our Lord God in vain.  :(

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.



Waded through flood?

From our women and development MA student who is a medical doctor, a timely advise.
Kindly disseminate: 
 Post-exposure prophylaxis for leptospirosis:
- single exposure to flood water WITHOUT wounds/ cuts/ skin lesions: Doxycycline 100mg/cap 2 caps single dose within 24-72 hours
- single exposure WITH wounds/ cuts/ skin lesions: Doxycycline 100 mg/ cap 2 caps once a day for 3-5 days to be started immediately withi 24-72 hours
- for CONTINUOUS exposure with or without wounds: Doxycycline 100 mg/ cap once weekly until the end of exposure (additional) 
Doxycycline is CONTRAINDICATED in children, pregnant women, breast feeding or in those allergic similar drugs ( tetracycline, minocycline). May need dose adjustment for those with liver of kidney disease. 
DO NOT TAKE with iron supplements, multivitamins, calcium supplements ( including milk or dairy products) within 2 hours before or after taking it.
 
 
 

5 countries you want to visit before you retire

Today's meme from BC Bloggers is very interesting.  Although, visiting other countries is a big challenge for me, there's still no harm in dreaming, right?


United Kingdom - castles and Harry Potter, need I say more?  :))  
Australia - to visit the place where my husband is.

Greece - is such a beauuuuuuuutiful place!  Just seeing those pictures!
US - to visit my relatives and see my grandmother
Ireland - to drink beer; or just to hear them Irish folks talk.  :))
I cannot leave the country for more than 4 days since I'm on dialysis.  So, the only countries I can go to are Asian countries like China.  :(




Note:  Pictures are not mine.  They are from the net.  If these are your pictures and you want to be credited, please post a comment.  Thank you.

Monday, August 06, 2012

Unboxing The LG Optimus Pro

 
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So, for being with Smart for more than two years, they called me and gave me an option to get a new Samsung Pocket, or the LG Optimus Pro as a new phone, provided I agree to be with them for another two years.

My old plan was Plan 800 consumable.  I downgraded it to Plan 500 because my husband and I can now talk via Viber, so there's really no need for a higher plan.  I chose the LG because my Dad, Mom, and niece are all using Samsung and I wanted to see how different it is. :))  However, downgrading to Plan 500 does not entitle me to the LG, so I had to pay 1,550.

So anyway, it came after 5 days (yes, they delivered).  As you can see, I took pictures.  @.@  I was a like a kid with a new toy.

yipee!
 It also came with a paper bag. 




battery, charger, manual, headset, micro SD 2GB included




Hm... fits fine.
It's the same size as my iPhone4, but bigger than my MyPhone.
Picture quality can be compared to that of the lower-end phones, like the Samsung mini

What I liked about it was it came in white (like my iPhone4), and that it's Android already.  It's touch and type, so it's a little convenient.  Touch screen is ok.

I haven't had the time to explore it yet, but one downside is the memory.  An error message sometimes pops up saying that I need to stop other programs, etc.  I haven't tried putting music in it either.  I only have 2GB microSD mem so I'm not sure just how many songs I can save in it, or how it really sounds like.

But maybe in a few days... But for now, I'm enjoying playing Bubble Shoot. I can't get past Level 79! :(

The Darker Shade of the RH Bill

I have read the RH Bill. Let's get that off as early as now. I admit, the good intentions are there. But, good intentions even with (what they said was) proper study is not without ill effects. I get it. Educate the masses about pregnancy and family planning in all aspects MAY reduce unwanted pregnancies, HIV, and abortion. It MAY control population explosion. It MAY help our economy.

But MAY is not good enough for me. How about the WHAT IFS of this scenario? How about the SIDE EFFECTS of the BCPs (birth control pills)?

I asked my doctor before when I just had my daughter of the risks of taking BCPs. She said there is a slight risk of cancer, heart attack and stroke. Yes, but since my husband and I were young and in love, I took them anyway.

After months of taking them religiously, I forgot a day. Just one day. I took them again the next day and 2 months after I was rushed to the hospital for bleeding. I lost a baby. My husband was furious when he knew that I missed a day. Instead of being sympathetic, he was angry at me.  But that's another story.

Well, technically I was told not to worry because there was no baby. There were no eyes, ears... There weren't even limbs. The big blob inside my uterus was inhuman. It didn't form the way it should because "luckily," according to my doctor, I was on the pill. It was, suffice it to say, aborted. 

When all the procedure was done, I was left in the room with my sister-in-law and I cried. When she asked why, I said it was because I killed my own child. Until now I ask for forgiveness for taking those pills. And after then I didn't take them anymore.  I thought, I don't care if I get pregnant.

I did every after 2 years until on my 3rd baby, my doctor ligated my tubes.  My husband wanted it done, and my doctor said it has to be done since I'm on caesarian section.  You might ask me what we did for me not to get pregnant within those two years, well... nothing.  I just didn't get pregnant.  The two pregnancies after were products of "fighting." :)

Since I am never gonna be pregnant anymore, why does the RH bill matter to me?  According to half of the country, it will help us all.  Let me tell you just five reasons why I don't like the RH Bill.
1.  I am a Catholic.

As most of you.  I am no moralist, though.  I have committed sins and mistakes as I have already pointed out.  However, we're talking about millions of people here.  Not just me.  I heard what the Church has to say, they showed it via video in our Parish Church.  And as for me, they made total sense.

Yes, their priests are sinners, too. Aren't we all?  The problem with that premise is... it's not the issue here.  We Filipinos like to dig up past mistakes and bring them every time they can see a hole to shove it through.  We'll dig up Pacquiao's wife taking the pill; we'll drag the names of Tito Sotto's wife and children.  You get the picture.

2.  The side-effects of BCPs.

  • Nausea
  • Weight gain
  • Sore or swollen breasts
  • Small amount of blood, or spotting, between periods
  • Lighter periods
  • Mood changes
  • Abdominal pain (stomach pain)
  • Chest pain
  • Headaches (severe)
  • Eye problems (blurred vision)
  • Swelling and/or aching in the legs and thighs
and those "slight risks" of cancer, heart attack and strokes.  Remember, we women are gonna take them; and take note that BCPs doesn't always work.  The label in the packet says 99.69% accurate. So, when all these mothers suffer from these side effects, what will we do with them?

3.  I believe there are more helpful causes to put my tax money into.  (Yes, I do pay taxes.)

Ha! There goes our tax money.  Let's finance the country's project to be as immoral as we can be.  What's next? Legalizing abortion?

There's dialysis (self-serving, I know).  There's education. Yeah, yeah, I know the RH Bill may prevent population explosion, thus housing, orphans, and food supply problems will decrease.  We'll never know unless we tried, right?  But who's gonna suffer if it fails?  Tell me that.

4.  I believe that the best way to control the population is to control our children.

Let's face it.  We give too much freedom to our kids.  I grew up learning how to fix my own bed when I wake up in the morning.  I learned how to make my own breakfast.  I learned how to do the laundry, iron clothes, and buy food from the wet market.  I learned how to sew, how to clean the house, do the dishes.  I learned to finish my homework without copy-pasting anything from the internet.  I learned to give respect to elders.  I learned how not to talk back to anyone older than me.  Even if my parents didn't talk to me about the birds and the bees, I knew then that kissing a boy was reserved for when you have a relationship.

What do kids learn nowadays?  Let's give that a thought; and then tell me that educating our children about using pills and condoms can help us control population explosion.  Let's tell them, "Yes, son.  Girls get pregnant, but if you don't want her to be so, slip on this rubber."  Ooooo.... here comes the experimental stage.

As hard-headed my kids are with regards to turning off the wi-fi, when I tell my eldest daughter to be home by 6, expect to see her home by 5:30.  One of our neighbors asked me, "How come I don't see your children?"  That's because they don't stay outdoors like the other kids.  Not that they don't want to, but it's just how they were brought up.

5.  Corruption.

Oh please.  Do not tell me there won't be. 

This post's comments section will be turned off.  Not that I don't want to be criticized, or that I cannot answer negative comments.  It's simply because you have your opinion and I've got mine.  I've got my blog to post them, and you can build one for yours. I've thought about this as hard as my two college degrees and a continuing Master's could.  Nobody can sway me from my beliefs and I think that you'll just waste your time in commenting.

I don't like the RH Bill.  I didn't say that I hate it.  I just don't like it.  Maybe I'd like it better if a law was passed that will discipline the Filipino people; not a law that will give them more freedom to be morally corrupt.

As I've said, the intentions are there. I cannot reiterate that as much.  The country needs help, that is for sure.  As of the proposed method, that is a gray area.  More than 50 shades darker, I presume.


To know more, you might want to read this blogger's thoughts on the issue.



Wednesday, August 01, 2012

A day in my not so boring life

Since I joined BC Bloggers, I found some interesting topics to blog about, or what they call memes.  I'm new at this meme stuff, so bear with me.

Anyway, as the title suggests, this post is about my boring daily schedule.  It actually varies depending on the days.  Here goes...

MWF

5:30 - the yaya wakes me and my kids up to eat breakfast and get ready for school/dialysis.

6:00 - I have to be ready to go for dialysis, or else I will be late.  Bunso is already ready and will be going to school with yaya now.  Kuya is left behind.  Ate will be coming with me during Mondays since she doesn't have classes every Monday.  Kuya will go to school around 6:30.  Bunso and Kuya goes to the same school, however, Bunso is in the Star Section and on the honor roll so he needs to come to school earlier.  He said he has other obligations in the morning.

6:30 - I arrive at NCM for dialysis, pays, gets hooked up, settles and wait for it to finish.  It's finished around 11-12:00 depends on what time I arrive and get hooked up.  During that time, I just go online and play my games on my iPhone.  Since my right hand is the one hooked up, I cannot type that well.  Some patients can work during this time using their laptops, but I can't.  I eat after I get hooked up, or after an hour.   You get hungry during dialysis kasi.

12:00 - my brother or Papa fetches me from NCM and we eat lunch at home.  I rest for some time, sometimes I sleep and wake up when my kids arrive or earlier.  If I couldn't sleep, I go online again, this time using the PC.  I check out blogs, etc.  I also work on my Special Project (sort of thesis) for my M.A. which I have to finish this sem. :((


3-4:30 - Kuya and Bunso arrives from school.  It all depends on their schedule for the day that's why 3-4:30.  They eat merienda (rice and viand), and they go online to do their homework.  They fight over ridiculous things, I referee.  If Ate has school she arrives around this time as well and eat and go online, too.  We are all slaves of the internet. 


7:00 - dinner with the whole family.


7:30 - TV time, DVD time, online...

9-9:30 - I battle with my kids so they can sleep.  "15 more minutes" is the common phrase here.



10:00 - sleep time for me, although this extends up until 2am sometimes.


TTh


Almost the same, except that I don't go to Dialysis.  My morning is then spent doing tedious tasks.


Sat


Ate goes to school in the morning; the boys sleep in; I go to PNU to check things with my thesis adviser; goes home after lunch or so; kids have art lessons at home; Kuya may have violin lessons; plays with the kids; go online


Sun


Goes to Church for the 8:30 am Mass at Don Bosco since Anton is in the Children's Choir; sometimes go to Waltermart and eat or just look around; accompany Kuya to his violin lessons; go online.


This is my typical schedule.  No fuss. I wish I have a job to do.  I'm thinking of working at home, but I don't know how to do it yet.  I'm in no hurry though since I have to also finish my thesis.







Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Protein and I


According to Health Alicious Ness, these are the ten foods with the highest level of protein:

  1. Cheese
  2. Mature (Large) Beans
  3. Lean Veal and Beef 
  4. Roasted Pumpkin, Squash, and Watermelon Seeds 
  5. Lean Meats (Chicken, Lamb, Pork, Turkey)
  6. Fish (Tuna, Anchovies, Salmon)
  7. Fish Eggs (Roe and Caviar) 
  8. Yeast Extract Spread (aka: Marmite) 
  9. Lobster and Crab 
  10. Lentils, Pulses, and Peanuts   
If you read most websites, they will indicate that protein is the most important factor that should be considered in your diet.  If you are not yet on dialysis, protein intake is limited.  Now that you're in dialysis, protein intake is required, since dialysis takes away protein from your body.

As of now, as I am not allowed meat due to high phosphorus levels (yeah, sucks, right?) I take as much eggs as possible. Poached, not fried.  I take them as snacks. I sometimes eat two at a time.  I have low blood pressure nowadays, so I am not worried about the cholesterol of the egg yolks as of now.

DaVita has a list of kidney-friendly protein foods you can eat, that is, if you don't have restrictions like I do. 

If you cannot have these, or if you are vegetarian, there are lots of vegetables and fruits that has protein.  Again, watch out for your restrictions, i.e. potassium/uric acid when choosing the right kind of veggies/fruits.  Livestrong cited some examples:

Fruits --  apricots, prunes, cherries,  banana (potassium!), papaya, kiwi, avocado, coconut,  dates, watermelon, peaches and tomatoes.

Veggies -- spinach, asparagus, broccoli, cauliflower, potato, celery, kale, celery and carrots.


Legumes --In general, legumes are the best source of non-animal based protein. Examples are soybeans, lentils, black beans, chickpeas, green pea, quinoa, alfalfa, clover, carob, Brazil nuts, almonds and peanuts.

Again, ask your doctor or nutritionist on the amounts of protein you can take every day.  This will be based on your blood levels.

Have a stress-free day!




A Hemodialysis Patient's Diet




Out of all the "problems" hemodialysis patients have, dieting is the most challenging.  There are a lot of food that we cannot eat.  This is one of the three things that a hemo patient should remember:

1. Eat the right KIND and AMOUNT of food.
2. Take the right medicine as PRESCRIBED by the doctor.
3. Do not miss out on hemo sessions.

There are diet considerations you have to remember when you are a hemo patient.  You have to eat foods that are:
  • adequate in protein
  • adequate in calories
  • low in potassium
  • low in sodium
  • low in phosphorus
  • controlled fluid intake
Protein -- necessary for muscle build-up.  Protein is lost during dialysis, so it is necessary to eat the RIGHT kind of protein.  Since meat has high phosphorus content, I cannot eat meat (I have high phosphorus).  I am only allowed poultry and fish.

Potassium -- high potassium can cause heart failure; thus fruits (including juices), and vegetables should be taken in moderation.  I am a little guilty on this, because I am EXTREMELY addicted to green mangoes, and most sour foods.  I will try to consolidate a list of low potassium fruits and veggies in my next post.





Phosphorus -- now, this one I am VERY mad about, because its side effects are nasty.  Phosphorus takes away the calcium from your body, so it is necessary to take calcium supplements.  High phosphorus levels cause eye irritation, ITCHINESS, and joint pain.  Patients are now prescribed with phosphate binders that we have to take with every meal.  It prevents phosphate to enter the bloodstream.  If you have high phosphorus levels, these should be avoided:
  • All sorts of seafood and sardines, anchovies, dried shrimp paste (bagoong)
  • Dairy products e.g. milk, cheese, yogurt
  • Bean products e.g. all forms of nuts, seeds, monggo
  • Malted drinkse.g. Nesvita, Milo
  • Oats, cereals
  • Chocolate (guilty!)
  • Organ meats e.g. liver, intestine
  • Bone-based food e.g. chicken feet and pork bone
  • Softdrinks
Sodium/Salt -- absorbs fluid thus adding to your gain, making you thirsty, can cause high blood pressure.  Hmmmm..... I always have low blood pressure! Do I need salt, then? Ahahahahaha.

Fluid -- as dialysis patients cannot urinate anymore, or do but less, it is necessary to control your fluid intake.  This includes water, tea, coffee, milk, juice, soup, juicy fruits, gravy, condiments, porridge, oatmeal, ice cube, ice cream, gelatine.  High fluid intake can cause your body to swell or bloat.  It can cause shortness of breath and high blood pressure.

Please note, however, that I am a hemodialysis patient, not a nurse, doctor, or nutritionist.  What is indicated here are diet don'ts in general for hemo patients.  It will take blood tests to figure out your levels and what should be really avoided.  Your doctor can refer you to a nutritionist for a diet plan.

I have problems with diet lately, because I am gaining weight I have lost when I got the chicken pox.  I am now eating a lot of rice!  Every dialysis session I check my gain and it's 4 kilos or sometimes more!  The ideal gain should be less than 2 kilos.  This gain causes me to have difficulty during sessions like low blood pressure.  I really should stop eating rice! Wah!!!

I still have high phosphorus, potassium, and uric acid levels.  I am trying very hard to stay away from foods that have rich amounts of these, but sometimes, they cannot be avoided, i.e. no other food to eat, or you're in a party.

I do allow myself to cheat, but not too much.  For example, when we have "nilagang baka," I only eat the vegetables and some soup.  At least I still can taste the beef in it.  The same with "sinigang na baboy."

I now miss eating peanut butter and nuts!  I drool when there is shrimp on the table.  I sigh when I see beef steak.  Yes, these are some of the hardships a hemo patient goes, but still, I am thankful that I am alive.



Friday, July 13, 2012

Hemodialysis

As my new kidney got rejected, I have to undergo dialysis, which according to Wikipedia is a process for removing waste and excess water from the blood, and is used primarily to provide an artificial replacement for lost kidney function in people with renal failure.

I was advised to do it 3x a week for the rest of my life or until I undergo another transplant. I am doing it for a year now.

The process is simple enough. The machine is primed. Tubes and a dialyser is placed on it. A nurse injects you with 2 big needles connected to tubes which will then be connected to the machine. One tube removes dirty blood from your body, gets circulated and cleaned by the dialyser; and it goes back as cleaner blood to the other tube. The process takes 4 hours.

Does it hurt? Aside from the needle pricks, the process itself should not hurt. If it does, you have to tell your nurse.

Don't you get bored? Luckily, the dialysis center I am in has free wifi access so I can go online anytime. We are also provided with cable tv.

What other problems will you encounter? There's having low or high blood pressure; itchiness; painful cramps; feeling too cold or too hot.

How can you avoid these? Eat a hearty meal before dialysis, meals should be accdg to prescribed diet by your doctor/nutritionist (mainly no meat, no dairy, no legumes); control fluid intake; bring candies so you can raise your sugar level in case you need to; and take your medicines regularly.

How will you feel after dialysis? As you have been sitting for more than 4 hours, you'll feel a need to stretch. Standing should be done slowly because you might feel dizzy and fall. After a few hours, you'll feel hungry and better.

Can you live a normal life with hemodialysis? Sure! A lot of patients still work. Some of them have been on hemodialysis for more than 10 years now.

How do you choose the right dialysis center? I go for friendly and efficient staff first, then cleanliness and facilities. Of course, you also have to think of its affordability. Most centers offer Philhealth packages. Some accept PCSO guarantees.

These are some of the aspects that describe hemodialysis in the Philippines. I'll tackle the hemodialysis patient's diet tomorrow.

Thanks for reading! :)

Thursday, February 23, 2012

If you're troubled....

Halos lahat ng aspeto sa buhay, nagka-problema na ko.  pamilya, anak, asawa (super problem to the maximum level), kalusugan.  i will not deny that i have done some stupid things that i thought will make those problems go away.

i've been crying for more than half of my life, I came to a point that I'm not sure anymore if there is a God.

Then I realized, if there is no God, then everything is on me.  I have to make do of what I have.  I made a checklist in my head.  Asked myself who and what I was living for.  I called this list, my reasons for breathing.  Topping that list were my children.  And that's enough.  I could've stopped there.  But, everyday, I see things that makes it to the list.  Small things, like seeing a butterfly on the porch perched in a flower pot.

Now, I admit, I am a little scared of dying.  Not because of myself.  I am afraid for the people I will be leaving behind.  I know they will not survive that.  So, even if I felt like giving up, I couldn't.  I've been in and out of the hospital too much, the lab people are sick of me.  But I'm still here.  I still am breathing.  Because I do not live one day at a time anymore.  I live one breath at a time. 

I do think of the future.  I have to, because of Dale (my son who has autism).  The days that I have left here breathing, I would like to dedicate on keeping my family together.  I stopped being angry with my husband's failures or "kakulangan," as my mother always says.  Because I accepted the fact that I, too, have them.  I just had to open my eyes and realize them.

I am teaching my children to love one another, because in the end, that's all they will have left--each other.

I study not because I have to.  it's because I want to.  It makes me feel younger.  Younger means healthier.  I think my parents know this, because even if they sometimes question my decision to continue studying, they do not ask me to stop.

I take my medicines regularly, not because I want to, but because I have to.  If these expensive little pills will somehow, miraculously, give me more breaths to take, then I will take them.  As I said, not because I want to.... coz If it were me alone, I'm ready to die.  But because I have to, coz everything is not about me.

Pain is just a reminder.  Whatever you forgot, pain is there like a ribbon round your finger.

If you're crying because of pain, let them flow.  There is no shame in crying.  But, after you've exhausted yourself enough, stop.   Then face your problems.  Tears will not do you any good except for one thing. It was made to lubricate the eyes... to clean them... like windshield wipers... for you to see clearly again.

Sometimes, we all need a brick wall to bang our heads with, and that's ok.  Sometimes, you may want to die, and that's ok, too.  We're all human, anyway.  Just remember, you are alive for a reason.  Find that reason.  I don't think you need to look far.

Have faith.  Even if we don't see God, it doesn't mean He is not there.  Even if it seems like He doesn't answer your prayers, pray still.  He knows what He's doing.  After all, He is God.

I will not tell you to cheer up.  I will not tell you that I understand your pain.  I am not you.  I will also not tell you that there are people who are experiencing pain worse than yours.  Again, they are not you.

However, you are you.  You know yourself more than anyone.  Go tell yourself what you need to do.  Be brave, little one.

Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Social Networking and Me

Yes, I do belong to the population that craves news and other crazy information anyone can get on 9gag.  I laugh with the rest of them.  I get angry with politicians and celebrities that gets to be a trending topic on Twitter because of their stupidities.  I like pages.  I comment on them.  I am an internet junkie.

Sometimes, I post something inappropriate.  I will get those jitters after I press OK.  Then I delete them before someone sees them.  Sometimes, I don't.  Then it gets me into trouble.

That's when I learn the following:

1.  Never post something... anything... when you're angry.
     Do not give into anger.  When someone posts anything negative on you, ignore it, because if you try defend yourself, they will also defend what they said, and then it will be a never-ending carousel.

2.  Never say "I feel you..."  "I know what you're going through..."
     Because YOU DON'T.  Every experience, every person is different.

3.  Never press LIKE on something that is negative.
     Imagine someone posting that her mother died, and you LIKED that post.  Oh, Dear God.

4.  Never post pictures that may offend people.
     Nudity is surely number one on this list of offensive pictures.  Especially if you don't look good without clothes on.  It may even get you banned.

5.  Never tag people in pictures if they look bad in them.
     I got into trouble with this.  I tagged a friend of mine on a picture, and her mother saw it.  Her mother learned that we were out instead of in my house.  Another is when I tagged a friend who looked stupid in one picture.  It made me realize that I have to be careful with everything I do online.

6.  Never repost your business/products to buy if they said no.
     Posting on everyone's wall about your business is ok... that is, if you do it once.  However, reposting it everyday will probably make you lose friends.

7.  Never share links that may prove to be more harmful than helpful.
     Some people post things to make them famous.  Do not give in.  Weigh the pros and cons before sharing information.

8.  Never retweet anything that you haven't read beforehand.
     Links that come in your feed may be harmful and you don't even know it.

9.  Keep your private life private.
     You had a fight with your husband?  Oh please do not post anything about it.  That's where cheesy love song lyrics come in.  

10.   If everything else fails, log-off.
        There will come a time that you will feel that you've grown too attached to your computer than your actual life.  Give yourself (and your computer!) a break and go on a hiatus.  You can come back anytime anyway.

Everything that is on this list, I have actually experienced.  Social networks are a lot of fun.  It brings out your creativity and you find information even before they come out in the news.  The trouble comes when you get too involved with it.  Let's all just keep it cool.  =)