Thursday, September 22, 2016

He Sleeps...



#TBT #bunso

When he needs me...
He falls asleep on my bed.
He drifts off knowing I understood
Without anything being said.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Golden Love



We rest as one soul
Just one last night here
Remembering what we gave up
This golden love

Our path have crossed
But it's the last time I'll have you
When we're old, we'll look on
This golden love

Oh, we were destined
Oh, underdone
Oh, meet me Thursday
For golden love

I'll give if you give
Don't forget, this is it
One chance to do us justice
This golden love

Oh, we were destined
Oh, underdone
Oh, meet me Thursday
For golden love

Oh, we were destined
Oh, underdone
Oh, meet me Thursday
For golden love
For golden love
For golden love

Holy



"Holy"


Yeah, you've got it all,
But you've got it all wrong.
No, you don't know
You're a poor unfortunate soul.
Oh I know,
You make it seem that you feel whole,
So they don't know
You're a poor unfortunate soul.

Yeah you put on a faith facade,
Think you're holy when you're not.
I hate to break it to you baby,
But you're simply lost.
You can right all the wrongs just to feel you belong,
But simply calling out sins don't bring you closer to God.
You're just a ghost at most,
A set of empty bones,
Searching for anything and everything to make you feel whole,
When it gets cold, oh oh oh.

You don't know.
No you don't know.
Oh you're all alone,
You poor unfortunate soul.
You can't control where your body lets you go.
Oh you're all alone,
You poor unfortunate soul.

And you say that I've got it all wrong.
'Cause you just know I'm a poor unfortunate soul.

But there's no way that there's weight in the words that you preach,
When you're claiming your faith and you contradict your speech.
So I sit here and listen to your tongue and cheek,
I know that when you sit and pray you're only praying for keeps.
Cause you're a ghost at most,
A set of empty bones,
Searching for anything and everything to make you feel whole,
When it gets cold, oh oh oh.

You don't know.
No you don't know.
Oh you're all alone,
You poor unfortunate soul.
You can't control where your body lets you go.
Oh you're all alone,
You poor unfortunate soul.

You're shallow and empty and filled with regret.
I think that chest must be heavy from that cross on your neck
You only wear 'cause you're wary of what comes next after your death.
Don't think I didn't notice.

Don't think I didn't notice.

Don't think I didn't know you're just a po-oh-oh-oh
Poor unfortunate so-o-o-oul
Poor unfortunate so-o-o-oul
Poor unfortunate so-o-o-oul
Poor unfortunate

And you've got it all (poor unfortunate so-o-o-oul)
You've got it all wrong (poor unfortunate so-o-o-oul)
No you'll never know, never know, never know (poor unfortunate so-o-o-oul)
You're a poor unfortunate soul.

Don't think I didn't notice.

Monday, September 12, 2016

Brownout


Brownout!

Badtrip…. Ang tagal ng brownout.

Parang yung buhay ko lang. Parang matagal na brownout. Kailan kaya magkaka-ilaw ang buhay ko?

#arte

Tuesday, September 06, 2016

on Koreanovelas



Feeling like a calcium-filled balloon.

It’s my party and i’ll cry if i want to.

Kakatapos ko lang manood ng koreanovela.

Ano bang meron sa mga asianovela at leche, nakakakilig. Kahit ang simple ng tema, ang simple… Simpleng OA yung pag-arte. Pero parang fairytale.

Yung tipong di mangyayari sa totoong buhay, kasi, pakshet, that’s life. It will never be all good. Laging may kontrabida, laging may plot twist.

Ewan.

Saturday, September 03, 2016

47

Sabado ngayon. September 3. 47 taon nang kasal ang mga magulang ko. Nagkakainan sila sa taas. Andito ako sa kwarto, nagpapapahinga kasi pagod na pagod na.

Galing lang naman ng pagpapaopera. Nagpatanggal ng parathyroid. Sa pagkakaalam ko, pang siyam na hiwa ko na to. Gaddamit andami na. Para na akong lab rat. Isang guinea pig. Baboy na kinakatay. Unti-unting kinukuha ni Lord.

Nung bumalik kami ng ER, halos ramdam kong humihiwalay na ang kaluluwa ko sa katawang lupa ko. Nakakatakot.  Ngayon lang ako seryosong natakot na mamatay.

Ano bang nasa dako pa roon? Ano’ng meron pagkatapos ng lahat? Sana kung parang araw lang, alam mong may Linggo pagnatapos ang Sabado. Pero hindi eh. Hindi ka sigurado.

Sana lang pagkanamatay na ako, maging parang “What Dreams May Come.” May tao pa din. May lugar. May mapupuntahan. May liwanag. At wala nang dilim.  Sana.

Natatakot ako ngayon matulog. Dahil baka hindi na lang ako magising. Natatakot ako para sa mga anak kong maiiiwan. Paano na lang sila?  Sino na ang sasagot sa mga nonsense na tanong nila? Sino na ang manonood ng mga “huh?” nilang videos? Sino na lang ang sisigaw sa kanila para gumising na? Sino na lang ang dadrama?

Di ko pwedeng sabihin sa kanila ngayon na “huwag kayong malungkot, i will always be there.” because i know that’s bullshit. I will never be there. Not anymore.

I will be just a memory. I just wish that i left enough happy memories for my children. Enough for them to go on living without me. Enough to never question God “why my Mom?!” Enough to never hate the living coz I am not amongst them. Enough until we meet again.

Oo. May hope ako ngayon, na, sana, may after life. Na sana magkita-kita pa din kami ng mga anak ko sa langit. Kasi sobrang saya ko sa kanila dito sa lupa that I honestly will never get tired of seeing them, being with them, hugging them.

Kahit gaano ako nagagalit sa tigas ng ulo nila, sa kulit, sa dami ng tanong, sa kawalan ng sagot… I cannot imagine a day without them.

Naiiyak ako. Naiiyak ako.  Naiiyak ako.

I’ll cry until the pity party’s in place.