Sunday, May 21, 2017


I loved you
Back when you loved me

To the moon and back
And when there was no moon
To when I have all and when I lack
And when everything was too soon

To every stupid phone call
And when my phone didn't ring
To every tear that may fall
And every laughter you may bring

To those times you cooked
And other times you just let me
To all the days you liked how I looked
And all the nights I barely recognize me

To the now that I cry myself to sleep
And during then when I was black and blue
To the past when you vowed your promises to keep
And the present when promises are new

I wish that I love you
Now that you pretend to love me

Saturday, April 08, 2017

i watch you

I watch you when you eat
Not to see if you eat well
But to look at your nose and see if it wrinkles up then I'd know you didn't like the tuna
I watch you when you sleep
Not to see if you're really asleep
But to watch your eyes move under their lids when you're dreaming
I watch you when you play
Not to see if you're being rude online
But to see your lips part in awe of the game
I watch you when (with some luck, happy thoughts, and pixie dust) you watch me
Not to memorize your face
But to see how you smile when you realize how much you are loved

Tuesday, February 07, 2017

Oh, my Lord.

cto BigHit

Suga. Min Yoongi.

Concept photo for You Never Walk Alone (YNWA), 
BTS' comeback album (repackage) with 4 new songs.

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Run 2

How do I love thee?
When you cry and won't let me see.
How do I kiss your pain away?
When you flinch from me being me.


I've watched you grow
From laughter, you were born.
Now I want to know
How from sadness, you are torn.

I love you, kid.


Run, run, lost boy
They say to me...
Away from reality.

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

One. (For when I am gone)

Don't get dragged through
Don't be consumed
Don't catch it through
Don't be consumed


My loves, eomma is now gone.  I will not tell you that it will not hurt.  I will not tell you not to cry.  It will hurt.  Please, cry.  Cry until you feel numb.  Cry until you feel that it is time to say goodbye. I will tell you though, to please cry together.  Feel numb together.  Say goodbye, together.  It is by being together that you will get through this. It is by being together, that you will be okay.

Ate, you will have to be strong.  You’re an adult now. You should be the one going through all the motions of arranging a funeral.  And I will leave to you some suggestions about what I wanted, but it would be up to you to follow or completely ignore.  For one, I would not want everyone else to see me dead.  I never felt it necessary for other people to see someone dead.  I will not take pride into lying down in a coffin, dressed in ruffles, for everyone to gawk and talk about. If possible, I want to be cremated immediately.  I have nightmares thinking of lying in a coffin.  Just hold a service showing my urn and a pretty picture.  A picture that will remind everyone what I looked like happy and healthy.  I hope that you can fulfill this.

People will come to you and offer you support.  Please ignore remarks that might hurt you.  People feel awkward during funerals and stuff that comes out of their mouths is sometimes hurtful, without them knowing.  Just ignore them. And thank them for their sympathy.

People will give you money.  They are called “abuloy.”  You must accept and keep them.  These will be pooled and used to pay for the funeral services, and for the food that will be served throughout the service.  Remember to hold masses during the wake.  Ask help from my family/relatives like Diche or my brothers, if you are in a bind.   I am not sure who will take over everything, most probably Mama, but you cannot just depend on her, because she will also be grieving the most.

Losing a child is the most painful thing there is, so please console Mama.  Hug her. She will need it.

I'm sorry. For dying. For leaving.  I hope one day, we'll fangirl together again.

Kuya... we've come a long way together.  I cannot write this without crying with longing even if I am still around. Just thinking about leaving you three behind pains me to no end.  As you are also now an adult, you have to be responsible now. Especially towards Tony.  

I know you know you are different than most people.  Having autism is not the end of the world, my love.  You are one of the exceptions.  You are smart and capable to live a normal life.  And i wish and pray that you will.

Tony, my french fry, it's with deep regret that I leave you.  Regret that I will not be able to hear you call me "bitch" or "eomma" anymore.  That I will not be able to touch your hair... or watch you sleep.  That I will not be able to see your wife or kids. 

All three of you... you have kept me going for so many years.  I know those years will never be enough, but they were all we had.  I hope that the memories I leave behind will be enough, though,  to last you a lifetime.



i dream of you
some nights, i dream of you
with wide-open eyes
nights cold as ice

i hear your voice echoing through the room
through the window, ajar, i see the moon
like mist, your scent hangs in the air
like fog, your leaving makes all unclear

i dream of you
some days, i dream of you
as i doze off in the afternoon
the sun blazing; i wish it was the moon

New Reason for Breathing

So, eto na... nagbabalik sa pagsusulat... ng nonsense.

Yung mga anak ko, nahihilig sa KPop. kasabay ng pagkakahilig ko sa KDrama nowadays.  Dati, EXO ang gusto ni Buchog. Ngayon, BTS na. Tapos, ayun! Nahawaan ako. Nung una, ang gusto ko, si Jimin.  
Kasi putragis, ang hot.  Pero nung inisa-isa ko na sila, mas napusuan ko si Suga. 
Kasi punyeta, ang taba ng utak.  Alam na.  Brains over brawn akong tao.  
Siya yung tipong alam kong wala akong makukuha sa katahimikan.  Oo, gusto ko yung "deep."  
Siya lang naman ang producer, composer, rapper sa grupo nila.  Yung mga tipong gising sa madaling-araw. Brains.

Di din naman papatalo sa "visuals," amfotah. Ang "virginal" ng hitsura. Ang lips, Dios mio.  
Ewan.  He is half my age, but I love him.  

ni - nu - ni- nu...